Pakistan Today

Getting the most of CJP

Let’s reform the judiciary as well The Chief Justice of Pakistan Mian Saqib Nisar has been in the limelight for some months, for more reasons than his job entails. The prominence has…

Remedies that do not address the underlying cause

16 hours ago BY Editorial

Pakistan’s hotchpotch diplomacy Within days of a civil-military huddle on foreign policy, Shah Mahmood Qureshi visited Afghanistan, Imran Khan held talks with Saudi and Emirati royalty while the COAS was in China.…

Cartoons

Today’s Cartoon

15 hours ago BY Syed Shahzeb Ali

Business

Furnace oil lobby holds sway at national cost

September 20, 2018

— Sources say energy ministry officials were ‘convinced’ to enhance the use of furnace oil instead of LNG in power sector ISLAMABAD: The national exchequer was losing billions of rupees every month owing to excessive use of furnace oil instead of...

Foreign

Train-bicycle collision kills four children in Netherlands

14 hours ago BY Agencies

AMSTERDAM: Four children were killed and two people were wounded when a train struck a cargo bicycle, widely used by Dutch parents to transport their children, on Thursday. According to police, the accident…

Featured

Media Watch: Death of the “All 42 Flavours!” TV pundit, hopefully

18 hours ago BY The Tube

The video itself has a WhatsApp logo, but most saw it on Facebook. G News, a Gujranwala collective, apparently, had shared it there. Though one really doesn’t know whether the subject was…

Sports

Afghanistan finish unbeaten in Asia Cup first stage

14 hours ago BY Agencies

ABU DHABI: Afghanistan have not only topped Group B but also finished unbeaten in the first stage of Asia Cup by defeating Bangladesh by 136 runs. Earlier, Afghanistan thrashed Sri Lanka and knocked…

Lahore

Govt to probe ‘attempted rape’ of doctor in Shaikh Zayed Hospital

15 hours ago BY News Desk

An inquiry committee has been formed by the Punjab government to probe the incident of ‘attempted rape’ of a lady doctor at the Rahim Yar Khan’s Shaikh Zayed Medical College and Hospital…

Karachi

Islamabad

Security measures reviewed in twin cities

17 hours ago BY APP

ISLAMABAD: Minister of State for Interior Shehryar Khan Afridi on Thursday reviewed the security arrangements of the main procession in sector G-6 Islamabad and expressed his satisfaction over performance of police force…

Govt orders inquiry into how (still running) govt ad got aired

September 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) Taking strict action against a government advertisement still being run on different television channels, Federal Information Minister Fawad Chaudhry has announced that an inquiry will be launched into the ad being accused of racist content. “This advertisement was immediately taken off as soon it was brought to our attn,” said the minister in a tweet, even as the ad continued to air on televisions all around him, including State television channel P .....
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‘Any bullet targeting my buddy Salman would have to go through me,’ maintains Imran

September 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) RIYADH – Prime Minister Imran Khan has said he won’t allow anyone to attack Saudi Arabia, adding that the he will always stand with the Kingdom. He made these comments on Wednesday during an interview with The Dependent. “It is not about bilateral relations or commitments, it is very very personal,” Imran said. “Salman is a chum and any bullet targeting my buddy would have to go through me,” the Prime Minister of Pakistan said referring to the .....
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‘Not falling in love with me is an act of treason,’ confirms CJP

September 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) LAHORE – Finally cutting to the chase in what he somehow felt was months of playing hard to get, Chief Justice Pakistan (CJP) Mian Saqib Nisar has confirmed that elements that have not as yet completely fallen in love with him are traitors and enemies of the state. The remarks came during the proceedings of a suo motu case at the Supreme Court’s Lahore Registry. Hinting at invoking Article 6 of the Constitution – applicable in high treason cases – .....
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Courts rush to evict criminals as nation’s sole honest man out of country

September 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD – Nation’s courts were on Wednesday looking to release criminals at war footing as the only man capable of holding them accountable was out of the country. The judges gave themselves a two day window where they could release as many criminals in the country as possible before nation’s only honest man returns and seeks justification for the actions. The two day window had come between Tuesday, September 18 and Thursday, September, with w .....
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Next Asia Cup to feature five Indo-Pak matches before actual tournament begins

September 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) DUBAI – The Asian Cricket Council (ACC) has confirmed that the next edition of the Asia Cup in the year 2020 will feature five match Indo-Pak matches before the actual tournament begins. In a press release issued on Wednesday, the ACC said that the five matches would be sandwiched between the qualifying tournament and the actual tournament. “Following the qualifying tournament in 2020, India and Pakistan will play each other five times, before the .....
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Dedicated Pakistani cricketers create practice pitches as hairstyle sides for Asia Cup

September 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) DUBAI – In line with the visible work ethic that coach Mickey Arthur has instilled in the national side, Pakistani cricketers have continued to exhibit absolute dedication to their profession by creating practice pitches on the sides of their hair. The dedication was visible as Pakistan took on Hong Kong in their opening match of the competition. Three star cricketers Hassan Ali, Shadab Khan and Mohammed Amir all showcased the practice pitches on the si .....
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Mazari expresses concerns over state of South American football in meeting with Brazil ambassador

September 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD – Federal Minister for Human Rights Dr Shireen Mazari expressed her concerns over the state of football in South America. She reiterated the concerns during a meeting with Claudio Raja Gabaglia Lins, Ambassador of Brazil in Pakistan here Tuesday. “No World Cup win since 2002 – only one South American finalist since then. Not a single semifinalist at this year’s World Cup,” Mazari began. “It’s a case of violation of basic football o .....
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‘Your dream treason trial’ – Dubai travel agents offer ‘Musharraf package’ for dam fund critics

September 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) DUBAI – Dubai based travel agents are offering the critics of Chief Justice of Pakistan Saqib Nisar’s Diamer-Bhasha Dam Fund the increasingly popular ‘Musharraf package’. The package, which is going viral on social media pages, is being offered following the CJP’s insistence that the critics of the dam fund be tried for treason. “Your dream treason trial” reads a popular advertising banner of a Dubai based travel agency, which has been re .....
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Jaani WTF, asks Imran Khan over secure line

September 19, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) While expressing concern over the release of former prime minister Nawaz Sharif, his daughter Maryam Nawaz and son-in-law Capt (retd) Safdar, Prime Minister Imran Khan enquired “Jaani, WTF?” over a secure line. The three were released after the Islamabad High Court suspended the sentence of a NAB court that had convicted them in the Avenfield properties case. “Jaani, WTF,” he asked again of the individual on the other end of .....
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Asad Umer puts online ad for A-levels economics tutor ‘for son’

September 18, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) The Federal Minister for Finance, Economic Affairs, Revenue and Statistics Asad Umer put up a Facebook ad on Tuesday for an economics tutor “for son.” The ad, put on the social media site Facebook, read, “Wanted: an A-levels economics tutor required who will explain all economics concepts simply and clearly. For my son.” “The tutor should not expect the student to have any basic knowledge of economics at all,” it continued. “And also s .....
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Govt encourages people to set up donation funds for new, higher gas bills

September 18, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) In the wake of the 143 pc tariff that the PTI government has introduced on gas prices for all user categories, government officials are encouraging citizens to set up donation funds to help pay what will be significantly higher gas bills these winters. “I would advise that people try to get on this early and set these donation funds up early” said Federal Information Minister Fawad Chaudhry. “It’s still pretty warm and you won’t really feel .....
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Police finally arrest ‘desperate intruder’ inside PM House

September 17, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) In a bizarre turn of events, the Islamabad Capital Territory Police has finally arrested an intruder roaming inside the currently vacated Prime Minister House. According to details, the ICT Police was informed of strange occurrences and noises coming from within the PM House, and decided to take actions after a strange, unknown figure was seen wandering the PM House in different facebook videos. According to details, one Wajahat S Khan - alias ‘W .....
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