Pakistan Today

Exchange rate blues

Vagaries of Consciousness Need to bring order to the economy What happened to the exchange rate on Black Monday (16-7-2018) would go down as perhaps the worst day for Pakistan’s economy. Six…

The straws in the wind

7 hours ago BY Editorial

What is clear and what remains vague There is an agreement among all election surveys that the PTI has made a headway in its public rating. Where the surveys differ is the…

SBP to increase low cost housing finance portfolio

July 20, 2018

ISLAMABAD: The State Bank of Pakistan (SBP) has targeted in its newly formulated policy to increase housing finance portfolio of banks and Development Financial Institutes (DFIs) from current, Rs83 billion to Rs250 billion by June 2021, along with increasing the...

Foreign

Raped by 40 men for 4 days in Haryana guest house, alleges woman

5 hours ago BY Agencies

CHANDIGARH: A 22-year-old married woman from Chandigarh has alleged that she was raped by 40 men for four consecutive days after being held captive at a guest house in Morni area of…

Featured

Dr Bengai makes a case for Balochistan

July 14, 2018 BY Abdullah Niazi

Book review: A Cry for Justice: Emperical Insights from Balochistan Balochistan cries for justice. The province has, for seventy years, suffered a situation where the country has taken much from and given…

Sports

Engro Foods organises Twin City Tennis Tournament

9 hours ago BY Press Release

KARACHI: Engro Foods Limited (EFL) organised a Twin City Tennis Tournament at Islamabad which was held at one of the biggest tennis courts in the country, Islamabad Tennis Complex. Around 100 tennis…

Lahore

Punjab caretaker CM rejects Shehbaz’s claims of biased behaviour

5 hours ago BY Staff Report

Shehbaz alleges caretaker govt ‘dancing to PTI’s tunes’, created hurdles in PML-N’s July 13 rally LAHORE: Soon after Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) President Shehbaz Sharif said the Punjab caretaker government created hurdles in…

Karachi

Women workers concerned over absence of labour rights in party manifestos

8 hours ago BY APP

KARACHI: Women workers working in informal sectors on Friday sounded apprehensive about manifestos announced by political parties for election 2018 with specific reference to the empowerment of labour force in the country.…

Islamabad

1-9, I-10 industrial areas at risk of high pollution

5 hours ago BY Shah Nawaz Mohal

ISLAMABAD: The residents of industrial areas in 1-9 and I-10 sectors are in for a bad news as city managers seem to be in no mood to revive plans of moving industries to…

Nawaz slightly glad to miss embarrassing spectacle of entire family showing up at airport to see him

July 21, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) As he finally landed at Lahore's Allama Iqbal International airport, former Prime Minister Mian Muhammad Nawaz Sharif was just slightly glad that his brother Shehbaz Sharif couldn't get there on time and he missed having to go through the drudgery of seeing all of his relatives right after a long flight. "It's not that I don't love them or anything, its just that I'm a gorwnup now. And this whole everyone coming to see you thing is kinda getting old" he t .....
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ANP might have built those 9 univs but PTI upgraded their status by including them in campaign ads: Khattak

July 21, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) Coming down strongly against the HEC’s rejection of the PTI’s claims of having set up nine universities during its tenure, former KP CM Pervez Khattak said on thursday that though the Awami National Party may have constructed them in their tenure, it was only the PTI that had upgraded them by including them in campaign ads. “When the ANP constructed them, they were only fully-staffed sub-campuses of existing varsities or even new fully fledged unive .....
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Local electable wishing his existence weren’t limited to single label

July 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH PUNJAB – Local electable Sher Billa* who over the next few days will brace himself for a resounding triumph in the upcoming election, on Friday evening was found wishing that his entire existence weren’t limited to a single label. Talking to himself in a rare moment of solitude amidst the hustle and bustle of life – political and otherwise – Mr Billa expressed his concerns about how he is being continuously limited to a reductiv .....
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Dependent survey: The party you will vote for has won the election

July 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD/LAHORE/KARACHI/PESHAWAR/QUETTA – The party you will vote for in the upcoming general elections on Wednesday has won the elections, reliable sources have informed The Dependent. This survey, which is simultaneously both pre and post-poll, is consistent with the predictions made by multiple groups and organisations which in the lead up to the elections revealed that whichever party you will eventually vote for will win the upcoming general elect .....
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Sarfraz lauds Zimbabwe for honouring Pakistan’s mandate

July 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) HARARE – Following the win in the third ODI, skipper of Pakistan cricket team Sarfraz Ahmed on Thursday lauded Zimbabwe for honouring the mandate of a stronger opposition, contrary to what the other underdogs like Afghanistan and Bangladesh tend to do. Talking about the series victory over Zimbabwe during a press conference here, Sarfraz said, “Zimbabwe have been nice to us. They were not only good hosts but also lost all games to us which is not comm .....
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UET Vice Chancellor inaugurates Department of Political Engineering

July 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) LAHORE – University of Engineering and Technology inaugurated its Department of Political Engineering here on Thursday in time for the 2018 batch to be enrolled. Vice Chancellor Dr. Fazal Ahmed Khalid graced the occasion with his presence and inaugurated the department in a ribbon cutting ceremony. University officials told The Dependent that its latest engineering faculty is the one that would have the highest demand. “The next batch would have al .....
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Haroon Hameed abducts Stephen Succur as evidence of how establishment censures media

July 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) LONDON – After repeatedly and vociferously being asked for ‘evidence’ to support his claims that Pakistan’s military establishment is censuring media outlets and manipulating the election process, Chief Executive Officer of Dawn Group of Publications Haroon Hameed abducted HARDtalk host Stephen Succur on Thursday night, The Dependent has learnt. Succur, who had demanded that Hameed prove his claims on the show that the establishment is curbing fre .....
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Local election candidate informed what he is allowed to have for dinner tonight

July 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) SOMEWHERE IN PUNJAB – Local election candidate who will be contesting the upcoming elections for National Assembly and Provincial Assembly seats from Punjab, in a frantic call to The Dependent editorial board revealed that he had been informed what he is allowed to have for dinner tonight (Thursday). Wishing to remain anonymous, hence choosing not to reveal his party (if any), the NA or PP constituencies, the candidate for the upcoming election revealed .....
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‘It’s only indirect as you can see,’ DG ISPR tells Senate committee

July 20, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD – Director General of Inter-Services Public Relations (ISPR) Maj Gen Asif Ghafoor on Thursday, reiterating his stance from a press conference held earlier this month, rejected the notion that the security forces have any direct role in how the July 25 elections will unfold, maintaining that everything is indirect. Speaking at the special session of the Senate Standing Committee on Interior, DG ISPR clarified that the army personnel are only fo .....
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After successful World Cup, Putin confident of Russian bid to host next World War

July 18, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) HELSINSKI – After winning the world over with the successful staging of the recently concluded FIFA World Cup, Russia President Vladimir Putin is confident that his country would win its bid to host the next World War. At a summit with US President Donald Trump in Finland, Putin told reporters that Russia is ready to host the ‘biggest event of them all’. “We saw the previous World Wars being hosted by multiple countries – which incidentally i .....
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Shehbaz Sharif rally finally reaches Lahore airport

July 15, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) Accompanied by thousands of followers, friends and family, the rally being led by PML-N President Shehbaz Sharif has finally managed to reach Lahore’s Allama Iqbal Airport, The Dependent can now confirm. The mass rally that had set out to greet ousted Prime Minister Mian Nawaz Sharif and his daughter Maryam Nawaz was supposed to reach the airport on Friday night. “We would’ve reached earlier if someone hadn’t felt the need to drive so slow” .....
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Taliban have no direct role in elections, maintains spokesman Khorasani

July 13, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) UNDISCLOSED LOCATION – The Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) has “no direct role” in nationwide elections due July 25, the group’s spokesman said Tuesday, after widespread allegations that it is plotting to manipulate the polls. Instead the Taliban will deploy thousands of militants in the lead-up to the polling day to help ensure the vote goes smoothly, TTP spokesman Muhammad Khorasani said. “The Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan have no direct role,� .....
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