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National

ECP completes arrangements for 2018 by-elections

by APP , (Last Updated October 8, 2018)

ISLAMABAD: Election Commission of Pakistan (ECP) has completed all necessary arrangements for holding of bye-elections in 36 constituencies on October 14. According to an ECP official, the elections will be held for…

Columns

Pious pretence

by Mariam Zermina , (Last Updated 18 hours ago)

Ah the joys of religious puritanism Given man’s status as the superior species on earth, one shouldn’t suppose that it took us long to figure out that religion provides the most concealing…

Editorials

Disrespect for Senate

by Editorial , (Last Updated 2 days ago)

Yet another display of arrogance After three months in power a self-righteous and aggressive posture continues to characterise the PTI leadership. Whenever anybody in the opposition points out a lapse in the…

Cartoons

Today’s Cartoon

by Syed Shahzeb Ali , (Last Updated 1 day ago)

Business

‘Representatives of trade bodies to be selected on merit’

November 18, 2018

LAHORE: Special Assistant to Prime Minister on Overseas Pakistanis and Human Resource Development Syed Zulfiqar Abbas Bukhari has assured that the representatives of trade bodies would be selected on merit, in line with Prime Minister Imran Khan’s vision of bringing forth...

Foreign

Is Modi jealous for not being invited by PM Khan, asks Sidhu

by News Desk , (Last Updated 10 hours ago)

Indian cricketer-turned-politician Navjot Singh Sidhu came down hard at Prime Minister Narendra Modi on Saturday, saying that the PM is envious because he was not invited to his Pakistani counterpart Imran Khan’s…

Featured

This guy is an improvement?

by The Tube , (Last Updated 2 days ago)

Sometimes, there are situations that could be classified in the any-change-would-be-an-improvement category. It was thought that the Punjab Information Minister Fayyaz-ul-Hassan Chohan’s position as the Punjab government’s principal spokesperson was one of…

Sports

Zverev beats Federer in straight sets to reach ATP final

by News Desk , (Last Updated 13 hours ago)

Roger Federer must wait until 2019 for another chance to reach 100 career titles after semi-final defeat by Alexander Zverev at the ATP Finals. Zverev, 21, tipped by many as a future…

Lahore

Punjab Healthcare Commission to select new board within two weeks

by Staff Report , (Last Updated 10 hours ago)

— Chief Justice Nisar orders PHC board member Naqi out of court for raising his voice in front of top judge LAHORE: The Supreme Court (SC) on Saturday dissolved the Punjab Healthcare…

Karachi

SC orders prompt revival of Karachi Circular Railways

by Staff Report , (Last Updated 14 hours ago)

KARACHI: The Supreme Court (SC) of Pakistan on Saturday ordered the concerned authorities to oversee and make sure of clearing all encroachments on Railways land in the port city so that the…

Islamabad

Ex-CJP’s family assaulted by land grabbers in Rawalpindi

by PakistanToday , (Last Updated 9 hours ago)

The family of former chief justice Saeeduzzaman Siddiqui (late) came under an attack in Rawalpindi by alleged land grabbers on Saturday when they were visiting their plot. Siddiqui family owns a 600-square…

Malfunctioning Cynthia Ritchie unit replaced by new Cynthia Ritchie unit

November 16, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) A CRZ-3001 unit was replaced on Friday after it started malfunctioning. The CRZ-3001, better known by its market name Cynthia Ritchie, was replaced by the Corporation technicians immediately after an alert was issued by its Monitoring Officers. “Yeah, the unit (serial #212) was acting up, so we had to change it,” said Khalid Hassan, chief technician, Zone 7(b). “We tried to fix it but it was taking too much time, so we just replaced it wit .....
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Man turns up car radio volume to drown out strange noise coming from engine

November 14, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) Hoping against hope that it would somehow fix itself, local man Shahzain Ahmad turned up the volume of his car radio to drown out the strange noises coming from his car's engine. Sending out a prayer to any and all deities above, the are man convinced himself that he really really wanted to listen to the program running on the Lahore Chamber of Commerce and Industry's radio channel. Even as the car struggled and protested, the dial on the radio kept .....
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After reflecting on Kashmir statement, have decided to take back retirement: Afridi

November 15, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) Saying he is deeply sorry about his statements regarding Kashmir, former Pakistan test cricket captain Shahid Afridi has decided to take back his retirement. “I think given the situation it is the right thing to do, it was an irresponsible thing to say perhaps and has hurt the sentiments of people on both sides of the border. The only thing I can do now apologise. Apologise and take back my retirement, that too” he said speaking to an emergency press .....
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Sheikh Rasheed roped in as brand ambassador for sixth PSL franchise ‘Pindi Boyz’

November 15, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) LAHORE – There has been an overwhelming response in terms of name suggestions for the sixth franchise of the Pakistan Super League (PSL) after the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) terminated the annual contract of Multan Sultans. Last week, when the owners of Multan Sultans failed to fulfil their annual financial obligation, the board reverted back all rights of the franchise to itself. “The fourth edition of PSL will go ahead as planned with six teams an .....
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‘Contempt of court safer than contempt of…’ Daniyal Aziz says as he withdraws plea against disqualification

November 15, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD – Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) leader Daniyal Aziz said contempt of court was safer than contempt of, as he broke off mid-sentence while explaining his decision to withdraw his please against being disqualified from holding public office by the Supreme Court of Pakistan after having been found in contempt of court. Talking exclusively to The Dependent, Aziz said he deserves to be disqualified. “I am disqualified, anyone who says t .....
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MQM-Pakistan revokes Farooq Sattar’s gym membership

November 15, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) KARACHI – The Muttahida Qaumi Movement-Pakistan (MQM-P) has decided to revoke the basic gym membership of party’s senior leader Farooq Sattar, The Dependent has learnt. The decision was made at an emergency meeting chaired by convener MQM-P and federal minister Dr Khalid Maqbool Siddiqui at the party’s headquarters in Bahadurabad, Karachi. MQM-P sources privy to the development said the Rabita (coordination) committee has decided to revoke Sattar .....
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‘Saudi bailout one time thing, didn’t mean anything,’ Pakistan reassures IMF

November 15, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD – Pakistan on Tuesday reassured the International Monetary Fund (IMF) that the $6 billion that it got from Saudi Arabia was a ‘one-time thing’ and that it ‘did not mean anything’. Sources confirmed that Pakistan vowed to undertake a full-fledged effort for maximum recovery of their damaged relationship, which Pakistan took complete responsibility for, and confessed it was willing to do anything to fix it. “I was thinking of you al .....
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Won’t talk about missing govt officials because I am a sensitive matter, says Afridi

November 14, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) The federal minister of state of interior Shehryar Afridi said that he would not like to discuss the issue of missing government officials because he is an extremely sensitive matter. “I would not like to discuss this issue and issues like these because I am extremely sensitive,” he said, while speaking at a press conference. “Everyone who actually knows me predicts that I will start crying if I’m slapped around a bit.” “It is a prediction .....
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Crisis in news media: massive layoffs at Geo; Mangoo to host Capital Talk

November 12, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) The twin-scourge of censorship and financial crisis in the Pakistani news media has worsened after Geo has also laid off a large number of its staffers. “This is an internal matter,” said a representative from the Jang group. “We would like some organisational privacy here.” Insiders, however, said that the massive salaries of some of the star anchors and, far more importantly, the inability of some of them to toe the line was what led to the lay .....
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Centre of power CM Buzdar asks party leadership if he could finally visit Lahore Zoo this Sunday

November 14, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) LAHORE – The centre of power in Punjab, the head of the provincial government, Chief Minister Sardar Usman Buzdar Wednesday asked his party leadership if he could finally visit Lahore Zoo this Sunday, The Dependent has reliably learnt. The chief executive of Punjab, Buzdar reminded the leaders of the ruling Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf that it had already been two months and 26 days and he’s yet to meet the giraffes. “I have heard there are South Afri .....
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Next huge Daraz sale to offer you a mammoth 90% off on your own products

November 13, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD/LAHORE/KARACHI/PESHAWAR/QUETTA – Leading e-commerce company, Daraz, is bringing 18.11, the ‘Universe’s Biggest Sale Day’, to Planet Earth for the first time. The one-day sale that is sponsored by your parents, in-laws, relatives, spouse, is offering a humongous discount on products that you are extremely familiar with. In the first Daraz mega event since the last Daraz mega event, customers can expect a truly personalized and supercharge .....
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Why does Corrupt Patwari League think NAB is biased, asks Shehzad Saleem

November 13, 2018 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) The incredibly Corrupt Patwari League is unnecessarily accusing the National Accountability Bureau of impartiality, said NAB’s Lahore DG Saleem Shehzad on Tuesday. “It is so typical of this corrupt mafia to start accusing all rightminded organisations of prejudice and bias the minute their ill-gotten gains are threatened,” he said. “They should know that NAB is completely objective and holds no malice, ill-will or pre-conceived notions against any ind .....
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