Pakistan Today

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Pakistan deplores Indian suspension of cross-LoC trade

by INP , (Last Updated 3 mins ago)

ISLAMABAD: Pakistan on Sunday condemned India’s unilateral decision to suspend cross-Line of Control (LoC) trade and rejected the allegations regarding its misuse. “The Indian action is based on groundless accusations that this…

ECP completes arrangements for 2018 by-elections

by APP , (Last Updated October 8, 2018)

ISLAMABAD: Election Commission of Pakistan (ECP) has completed all necessary arrangements for holding of bye-elections in 36 constituencies on October 14. According to an ECP official, the elections will be held for…

Columns

Night of the long knives

by Arif Nizami , (Last Updated 17 hours ago)

Another first by Khan The sacking of Asad Umar as finance minister Thursday morning and later in the evening a few key ministers’ portfolios reshuffled has raised many questions about the style…

Editorials

The Buzdar administration

by Editorial , (Last Updated 17 hours ago)

Serious questions about ability to deliver On Friday, Prime Minister Imran Khan told the PTI Chief Ministers that he would replace those who do not deliver with ones who can. A chief…

Cartoons

Today’s Cartoon

by Sabir Nazar , (Last Updated 2 days ago)

Business

Cabinet likely to issue policy directives for renewal of cellular mobile licences

April 20, 2019

ISLAMABAD: The federal cabinet is likely to give policy directive for the renewal of cellular mobile licences in its upcoming meeting, scheduled to be held on Tuesday. Sources told this scribe that the licences of three telecom operators, Jazz (Warid), Telenor...

Foreign

Death toll from Easter Sunday blasts in Sri Lanka rises to 207; 450 injured

by Agencies , (Last Updated 19 mins ago)

COLOMBO: Easter Day bomb blasts at three Sri Lankan churches and three luxury hotels killed about 207 people and wounded more than 450 including five Pakistan nationals, a hospital director and police officials…

Featured

Media Watch: ‘Hail to the Chief’

by The Dependent , (Last Updated 21 hours ago)

There is talk, as their often is, of bringing in a presidential system in the country. Now, I do believe that in most cases, the simplest explanation is the correct one, Occam’s…

Sports

Shadab ruled out of England series after test revealed virus in his blood

by News Desk , (Last Updated 7 hours ago)

LAHORE: Wrist spinner Shadab Khan has been ruled out of the series against England after tests revealed a virus that will require treatment and rest for, at least, four weeks. The series against…

Lahore

Buzdar lifts ban on parole, orders to shift 400 inmates to KP

by INP , (Last Updated 28 mins ago)

LAHORE: Punjab Chief Minister Sardar Usman Buzdar has lifted a ban on parole to provide relief to prisoners. The chief minister has issued instructions to the Home Department in this regard. He…

Karachi

Two dead as dumper hits bike in Karachi

by INP , (Last Updated 25 mins ago)

KARACHI: Two people were killed while two others injured when a speeding dumper ran over two bikes they were riding on in Karachi locality on Sunday morning. According to rescue sources, the…

Islamabad

No space for underperformers: Shaukat Yousafzai

by INP , (Last Updated 4 hours ago)

SWAT: Khyber Pakhtunkhwa Minister for Information Shaukat Ali Yousafzai on Sunday said that the ministers who are not performing up to the mark should leave their posts. While addressing media during his…

I said I’m fine, says teary Hamza Abbasi after Murad Saeed unscathed in cabinet reshuffle

April 21, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) Wiping away from his eyes what were clearly tears but what he claimed was ‘just some speck I got stuck in my eye,’ actor Hamza Ali Abbasi has said he is fine, and doing perfectly okay after Federal Minister for Communication and Postal services Murad Saeed went unscathed in the recent cabinet reshuffle. “I said I’m fine” he said when asked by The Dependent’s correspondent to comment on the development. “Why would I have anything to say a .....
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PTM activist taken into custody

April 19, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) An activist of the Pashtun Tahafuz Movement (PTM), Imran Khan, was taken into custody on Friday by authorities after delivering a speech at the Orakzai tribal district. The activist had told the public gathering that the demands of the PTM were legitimate and that the tribal areas had suffered greatly in the course of the war on terror. Later in the day, a group of plain clothes security officials had arrived at the residence of the activist in Islam .....
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Close the door on your way out, interior minister asks outgoing predecessor

April 19, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) The new Federal Minister for the Interior and Narcotics Control Divisions asked his outgoing predecessor to close the door when he leaves the minister’s office. “Kindly close the door, if you could, ”said Brigadier (retd) Ijaz Shah, even though though the outgoing minister Imran Khan had not even given any indication, including non-verbal cues, that he was about to leave the interior minister’s office at the Pakistan Secretariat. “There’s w .....
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‘Focus on my failures as a cricketer not as a human being,’ Umar Akmal tells off critics

April 19, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) LAHORE – After missing out on the squad for the upcoming ODI World Cup, middle-order batsman has lashed out at his critics for their ‘misplaced priorities’. In an exclusive interview with The Dependent, Akmal advised his detractors to focus on his many failures as a cricketer instead of focusing on his many failures as a human being. “To all the senior cricketers that have played alongside me, and the way they come on to the media discussing me .....
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Imam-ul-Haq set to replace Fawad Alam in drama serial ‘Ghar Damaad’: sources

April 19, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) LAHORE – National team’s opening batsman Imam-ul-Haq is set to replace former national cricketer Fawad Alam in PTV Home’s upcoming comedy drama serial Ghar Damaad, sources within the production team have informed The Dependent. The development comes after the promo and images from the show were released showing Fawad Alam shooting with the rest of the cast. The promo shows that Fawad Alam’s character enters a random house after his car breaks down .....
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FATF underlines threat of fast-growing global supremacist group ‘I don’t watch Game of Thrones’

April 19, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) PARIS/ISLAMABAD – Terror watchdog Financial Action Task Force (FATF), has expressed serious concerns about the growth of a global supremacist group in the region, The Dependent has reliably learnt. The group that self-identifies as ‘I don’t watch Game of Thrones’ (IDWGoT) has been cited as the fastest growing supremacist outfit in the world, with Pakistan being the latest country where concerns over its spread have been underlined. In visits to .....
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PEMRA issues list of proclaimed offenders allowed on TV

April 19, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD – The Pakistan Electronic Media Regulatory Authority (PEMRA) has issued a list of proclaimed offenders who will be allowed to be on national TV. The exhaustive list comes with the notification that accompanies the ban on the media coverage for anyone whose name is not mentioned. The media regulator, in the notification stated that “concerned quarters” have observed that some proclaimed offenders when invited on TV programmes, “are usuall .....
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Positive correlation between latest inflation figures and ‘92 World Cup highlights’ video views on Youtube stumps Economists

April 19, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) As inflation steadily crept up to reach a five-year high of 9.4pc in the first eight months of the PTI government the number of views on all uploaded videos of the ‘92 Cricket World Cup highlights’ on video sharing site Youtube increased proportionately. A similar but relatively less profound effect was noted in videos surrounding subject matters such as Shaukat Khanum Memorial Cancer Hospital and even less so with regards to Namal College. “It’ .....
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Magnanimous PM: Govt to give finance portfolio to opposition

April 18, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) In a step of magnanimity that is unheard of in Pakistan’s scrappy political scene, the prime minister has decided to award the finance ministry to the opposition party. “People protested when we did not want to give the chair of the Public Accounts Committee to the leader of the opposition,” said information minister Fawad Chaudhry. “Well, the reason was not because we were political immature and did not know how to take everyone along.” � .....
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Asad Umar forgets his phone charger at Finance Ministry

April 18, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) An already stressful day became even more testing for former Finance Minister Asad Umar after he forgot to pack his phone charger while vacating his office at the Finance Ministry. “It seems the guy simply can’t catch a break today”, said a staff member at the Finance Ministry holding the charger as he casually rolled the wire over the socket and nonchalantly slipping it into his shirt pocket. Sources at his Islamabad residence confirmed that the .....
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One Billion Jobs drive kick-starts at Finance Ministry

April 18, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) ISLAMABAD – Keeping up its word of providing one billion jobs to the people of Pakistan, the incumbent government provided its latest manifestation of integrity by formally kick-starting its One Billion Jobs drive at the Finance Ministry on Thursday. With the inauguration, the first of one billion employment opportunities has been created at the Finance Ministry, with 999,999,999 more jobs expected to follow in the next couple of weeks. “I might ha .....
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Police reforms: IG tenure set to 3 months

April 17, 2019 BY The Dependent

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) The Punjab government, in its ongoing series of police reforms, has set the tenure of the Inspector General of Police at 3 months. “I find it extremely sad that the press and opposition are presenting this as some sort of incompetence,” said Dr Shehbaz Gill, spokesperson for the government. “Changing three IGPs in eight months was part of the plan all along.” “We feel things should be kept fresh in the province’s police administration,” h .....
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