When is a ceasefire not a ceasefire? The ceasefire in Gaza, which was hailed by all and was personally guaranteed by US President Donald Trump, has not lasted in the literal sense, that of an end to violence, because Israel dropped bombs again, 153 tons of them, because it said Hamas had not fulfilled its part of the deal.
The result was that Trump sent his friend Steve Witkoff and son-in-law Jared Kushner to go and make nice with Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu and ask him to stop. We still officially have a ceasefire, but I wonder what the Gazans think about it. They’re the ones who are getting bombed, not Steve or Jared.
Violence hasn’t just made a comeback in Gaza but also in Lahore. Well, we’ve got all sorts of violence, but perhaps the most painful is the kitestring across someone’s throat, usually a motorcyclist or a motorbike passenger. So many were dying at one point that Basant was banned in Lahore. At fault: the glass-treated string, mostly imported from India, so deadly not just to opposing kites but also human throats.
Someone who didn’t die from either Israeli bombing or a kitestring across his throat, but after a prolonged illness, was the Indian comedian Asrani. He was pretty damn good, dating back to the era when a movie had to have a comedian in the cast. He didn’t depend on slapstick, though he could do a great pratfall in his time, but relied on verbal humor and his facial expressions. The nearest I could think of someone resembling him was our Anwar Ali, who passed away recently.
But even Asrani wasn’t able to equal the comedy I once saw from a train window a long, long time ago. I’m not a great train traveller, but I was particularly struck by what I saw many, many years ago from the window of the train while it stopped at a signal on the approach to Lahore Railway Station: a tapeball cricket match was happening down below (we were on a bridge, so I was looking down); the bowler produced a rank long hop, the batsman swatted at it with a rank agricultural shot, skying it for a dolly catch to mid-on, who dropped the sitter. I had just witnessed perhaps the worst exhibition of cricket I have ever seen in my life.
The memory of that delivery, that batting, and that fielding came to mind when I had the privilege of seeing the result of the Zimbabwe versus Afghanistan Test match in Harare. Zimbabwe won by an innings inside three days. I hadn’t seen any of the match, but I can imagine the sort of cricket played. I wonder why Ireland is not involved, for I’m sure they would produce some really interesting cricket.
Perhaps we should invite over the Afghanistan team, for it seems that Pakistan is vulnerable. So long as Shan Masood remains captain, we are going to keep squaring series we should be winning, and that too at home. The formula is to win the first test with our spinners and then lose the next one to theirs. Last season, it was the West Indies; this season, it’s been South Africa. After that breathtaking clean sweep by Bangladesh, Shan has never really looked back. True, we won the series against England, but that was after losing the First Test in what must rank as the worst ever Test defeat: Pakistan made more than 500 but still lost by an innings. While the defeat against South Africa was not as dramatic, it was still bad enough.
Shan Masood must realize that someday, someone is going to wake up and ask hard questions. So he’s wangled a cushy job at the PCB so that he can retire in peace rather than be slung out on his ear as so many ‘indispensables’ before him who captained the national side.
I wonder if he is trying to achieve something like the Louvre robbery of the French crown jewels. I haven’t followed it very carefully, because I’m sure it will either hit the cinema screens as a movie or be streamed as a TV series. The heist is almost a cliché, especially when you consider how many movies have been made. Y’know, the ones with laser sensor detectors, which the robber has to avoid.
Caper movies are so popular that even India has made one. I don’t think they’d work here, though. All you’d have to do is slip the local cops the right sum for them to overlook any robbery. The thief would not take the precious jewelry but would be the local SHO. But what could he steal? I would suggest a robbery Toshakhana, with a getaway on one of the vehicles in the Toshakhana.
