There must be something wrong with military endeavours. They seem to bring out the most illogical impulses in people of whom we would expect better. Take the recent Saudi-Pak military agreement. The Foreign Office spokesman assured the world that the agreement is not against anyone.
What is a military agreement if it isn’t against anyone? Learning how to march in step? It’s a little like getting a degree without sitting an exam. Indeed, the only statement I remember of the same level came from Nusrat Bhutto, who as Senior Minister once declared that there was no harm in Pakistan having missiles, so long as they were for peaceful purposes. In fact, there is only one peaceful use of missiles, and that is as rockets in a space programme. As a matter of fact, all nuclear-weapon states have space programmes based on rocketeering experience gained from developing delivery systems, and perhaps Japan is the only non-nuclear weapon state to have its own space programme.
As a matter of fact, while we are a nuclear weapon-state, our space programme is heavily dependent on China, and while we have made some satellites ourselves, they have all been launched by China. And when a Pakistani goes into space, it will be as a mission specialist on the Chinese space station.
Meanwhile, we are getting other incredible military innovations, like the Blind Sniper of Gaza. The Israelis killed someone by cannon fire, saying that he was sniping at them. Later, the dead man’s brother announced to the media that his brother was visually impaired. It’s not as incredible as it sounds. I mean, it seems as if we’ve been sending our blind cricket team all over the place.
Which brings me to our second match against India in the Asia Cup. The real mystery is why Axar Patel was not given the Man-of-the-Match Award. I know he only bowled one over, and did not bat, but surely that is not the point. His fielding showed that he could see.
I’m not a Sri Lanka fan, let alone a Sri Lanka fan, but for my money, they should have won the Asia Cup. I mean, Pakistan barely piped them, and they only lost to India in a Super Over. Even before the final, they knew that there was hardly anything between them and the winner.
Going back to the Saudi-Pak agreement, I wonder what that great peacemaker, Donald Trump, thought of it. His opinion is not just important because he is US President, but also because it seems he is leader of the Muslim world. A meeting of Muslim states, like Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Egypt, Turkey and Jordan. Is Trump the modern-day caliph? He’s certainly behaving that way. And more to the point, the leaders of Muslim countries are treating him that way. All except Iran. But Iran never acknowledged the Caliphs, at least after the Safawis, just like India under the Mughals.
The IMF team is in town. And I can deny the rumour that its members all wore black hats. That only happens when they ride into town. And the rumour that the welcoming committee had the police band play dramatic music is also false as the rumour that it has headed by Shafqat Cheema
The IMF team will do what it can to make sure that it makes the average Pakistani more miserable than he was, but there are two mysteries still to be solved: is the AC Ziarat still alive? Who let Dr Shama Junejo in the Pakistani UN delegation?
It was a shock to hear that the AC Ziarat had been kidnapped with his son, but that their bodies had been found. Then CM Sarfraz Bugti said that the AC wasn’t dead. He didn’t mention how Ziarat was being run. As for Dr Junejo, the social-media influencer in favour of Pakistan recognizing Israel, her presence has not been denied, but both Kh Asif (the minister she was seen sitting behind) and the Foreign Office have denied any knowledge of how she was there. Nobody has asked the UN why it let her in. Nobody seems to have asked her how she got in.
Apart from those two mysteries, there were two deaths, both of people who reached 92. One was the actress Claudia Cardinale, one of imports from Europe of that era. And there was England Test umpire Harold ‘Dickie’ Bird, who stood in 66 Tests between 1973 and 1996, and 69 ODIs. I don’t believe he stood in a T20I. And all his appearances were before we had any of that business of neutral umpires.
