CITY NOTES: The emperor has no clothes?

One of the debates that Imran Khan managed to set alight in his recent interview to a foreign channel was women’s clothing. He said that too skimpy clothing played a part in the rapes that were taking place. The immediate riposte was that little boys in madrassahs didn’t wear skimpy clothes.

That’s a valid criticism, and might get us closer to what Imran was trying to say: that the woman who wears the skimpy clothes might not get assaulted. But someone would get assaulted. An indication might come from Kasur, where we had an attempt to earn foreign exchange by assaulting little boys and then selling the videos to perverts abroad, which was followed by the Zainab scandal. That was bad enough, but he had assaulted and killed at least eight other little girls.

Imran’s remarks were followed by a social-media sentimental journey through Imran’s days as a player in the UK. There were enough photos of Imran next to women in skimpy clothes to show that he knew what he was talking about. Did he rape these women? Or even one of them?

Well, he did say that there were no night-clubs or discos, but that’s the first I’ve heard of them being proposed as a solution. Does he propose that we have nightclubs or discos?

I suspect that even Imran might not see it as a holistic solution. For example, if Hafiz Saeed had been in a nightclub instead of jail, would there have been a blast as the one there was outside his Johar Town house? Was the blast meant to spread terror or tell the world that Hafiz Saeed was not actually in prison, as he’s supposed to be.

Of course, Imran’s interview made me remember Umar Shaikh, who had blamed the victim of the Sialkot rape for travelling late. He must be kicking himself for not thinking of skimpy clothes. Skimpy clothes. Smoking in public, listening to rock music, anything that will let off the male. And Imran actively looks for outs. Not for himself of course. We know how monastic a life he has led.

In that interview, he also made two important points. First, that the Uighurs in China were not being treated badly. Second, Pakistan would never, ever give the US the post-withdrawal bases it wanted. Now, that would mean two issues on which to contradict the US. That would mean that there has to be a U-turn on one of them, purely in the national interest, of course. We must not forget that we do not understand the intricacies of international politics they way that Imran does. We do not understand the West as he does, and whether the Americans are going to be more anxious for bases, or support for the Uighurs, and where our national interest lies.

I suppose the only thing that can be said in response is that New Zealand do not know the importance of losing to India. I know Imran is probably taking the credit for the defeat India suffered at the inaugural final of the World Test Championship. Does New Zealand national interest dictate that Indian mustn’t lose?

Another country which has no reason to fear India is Zambia, which might not have a reason to lose to India, but which has lost its founder, Kenneth Kaunda, who was president from 1964 to 1991. That means he was president for 27 years, and died 30 years after leaving office. He left office at the age Imran assumed it, However, Imran hopes to be in office for as long as Kaunda was, which means he will hand over the prime ministership in 2045, when he will be 92, and still getting the youth vote, young people firmly believing he brought eternal glory to Pakistan by winning the hockey World Cup. After which he built a liver-transplant centre.

However, a more intricate problem has arrived. Outer Mongolia, the Seychelles and Bahrain all bought Chinese vaccines, like Pakistan. But people have still been catching covid-19, and dying of it. And another million doses landed on our doorstep. Obviously, a conspiracy by the vaccine mafia.

An even more intricate problem is posed by the black actress who plays Ann Boleyn, one of Henry VIII’s six wives, on TV. And there’s a Latina actress playing Snow White. What next? Nelson Mandela being played by a white woman? Modi by a Native American? Sitting Bull by a South Asian? Imran by a no-human like a donkey? He should like that for in Arab countries, donkeys are a by-word for endurance and hard work.

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