Categories: SportsThe Dependent

Messi orchestrates coup in Argentina, says team actually won World Cup in presidential address

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

BUENOS AIRES – Following his return to Argentina, global superstar Lionel Messi launched a coup d’etat in the country, toppling Mauricio Macri’s government during the early hours of Wednesday.

After taking over the state TV channel Television Publica Argentina Messi addressed the masses in a detailed address on Thursday, introducing himself as the new president of the country and underlining the global conspiracies against Argentina.

“Those clippings and footages that they have been showing you on TV and Internet of the so-called FIFA World Cup are all false,” President Messi said in his inaugural address.

“The valiant soldiers of the Argentinian football side led by this brave general of yours have actually won the actual World Cup, following which we just returned home, only to realise the lies that are being fed to our nation,” he added.

In his speech, Messi further revealed that this was a part of a global plot to undermine the most powerful Army in the world.

“The Argentina football team with generals such as Sergio Aguero, Gonzalo Higuain and Angel Di Maria is the most powerful Army in the world. This has prompted our rivals to conspire against us, and lower the morale of this great nation that the greatest Army in the world represents,” he added.

Newspapers and TV channels nationwide will be issuing a corrigendum and covering the actual developments of this year’s World Cup.

All school literature has been asked to incorporate the glorious details of the Argentinian Army that won four successive World Cups between 2006 and 2018 under General Messi.

Messi himself has ordered a referendum on his presidency, with the question being asked to the masses: “Do you support the Argentine football team? Do you support President Messi?”

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

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