Categories: InternationalThe Dependent

After allowing female drivers, trailblazing Saudi Arabia vows to be last to grant women all other rights

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

RIYADH – Basking in the glory of being the last country on the planet to ‘allow’ women to drive, officials of the conservative kingdom of Saudi Arabia have announced that they intend to remain the last country to grant women all of their rights.

“We have a reputation to uphold. Rest assured we shall make sure that every single demand women activists have been making under the banner of ‘rights’ be introduced as our ‘reforms’ when and if it suits our economic and political motives,” said an official of the kingdom.

“Also, we’d like to factor in the moment when it really does become too much of a joke, and decades-old jokes tend to become a bit annoying,” he added.

“Ooooh. We can drive now…in the twenty-frikkin-first century. Aren’t we a lucky lot!?” exclaimed a woman driver, who was seen enthusiastically posing a victory sign which lacked one finger, with the palm of her hand facing her.

When asked exactly how happy she was over the lifting of the ban, she said “Are you really this stupid or are you pretending?”

“Of course they are happy,” said a traffic police on duty the night the ban was lifted. “We even presented them with flowers with a ‘drive safe’ message written in bold,” he said while winking.

With the move being welcomed cautiously by global rights organisations, officials in the kingdom say there is no need for scepticism.

“You should be sceptical if we hurriedly gave women all the rights women across the world enjoy,” he said adding “we have no such plan.”

“Rest assured it’ll be another few decades before we give you another opportunity to question our motives. We shall take our sweet time in granting women all of their rights even if it means being the last country on the planet to do so.”

“We are awesome that way.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

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