The rare Asiatic poison once again


I’ve not heard Imran Khan weaving the deaths of Amir Liquat Husain or Maqsood Chaprasi into any of his speeches, which reflects the inefficiency and incompetence of his staff, which is head by the redoubtable Dr Shehbaz Gill. I mean, Dr Amir Liaquat was obviously murdered by Nawaz Sharif, who (together with Shahbaz Sharif) forced down his throat that rare Asiatic poison which would cause a heart attack and leave no trace in the body afterwards.

This rare Asiatic poison, it must be remembered, is the same as the curare used by Amazonian Indians to tip their arrows. How Asiatics got hold of it from the Amazonian Indians is a question best asked of the Brazilian President. (He’s a retired captain, and recently he’s been expressing doubts about the voting system, doubts being repeated by the military. Imran would have got support if he had been a retired captain of the army, not the cricket team.

One might ask why would the Sharifs want Dr Amir Liaquat dead? Did they want a by-election on his seat? Or maybe it was mere motiveless malignity. At least the death of FIA official Dr Rizwan, whose heart attack was the first time Imran tested hi are Asiatic poison tope, was the investigating officer in the money laundering case against Shahbaz Sharif.

One of the witnesses of that case, Maqsood Chaprasi, whose accounts were allegedly used, and who turned out to have billions in his accounts, also suffered a heart attack. He died in Dubai, which is presently ornamented by Farhat Shahzadi ‘Gogi’ who is supposed to have made billions and transferred them out. I suspect her because poison is supposed to be a woman’s weapon. Now she is someone whose evidence could prove damaging to the Kuptaan. So maybe she should employ a taster.

Meanwhile, Shahbaz Sharif is dealing with other problems in his own style. Remember how he made Saturdays on again in government offices after they had been abolished? The idea of government employees sluggishly staying abed on Saturday mornings was anathema to him, so he ordered them in on Saturdays, so that they would spend the sixth day of the week with their feet on the desk, the newspaper spread over their heads, catching up on their sleep.

The loadshedding crisis has intervened, and the holiday has been reintroduced.Now isn’t that why the second offday was introduced? To save electricity during some previous crisis? Another bright idea has been to shut down markets at 8 pm. That would be less an electricity conservation measure than a police welfare measure. I mean, the degree of strictness with which the local police would interpret the closure deadline, and the force theory would exert to enforce it, would depend on their negotiations with the market association, which exists primarily to engage in such delicate dealings.

A more fruitful approach would be to cut off electricity to these markets at a fixed time. Not loadshedding, for both customer and shopkeeper could wait our the closure, but a 12-hour shutdown. Customers wouldn’t like to make choices in the dark, and shopkeepers wouldn’t like to sit in the dark and heat for hours, so the market would automatically shut early.

Another step, which would be wildly popular among the younger set, would be to extend school holidays. I know schools are already off, but by the time they will reopen, I doubt if the power crisis will be over. In fact, maybe government offices can close down or the remaining five days a week they open. See if it will make any difference.

One of the functions of government has been performed, the presentation of the Budget. Miftah Ismail presented iii, the absence of the PTI  saving him from having to shout. The convention here is not that the Leader of the House, the Budget speech or the presidential address is to be heard in pindrop silence, but amid the constant jeering of the opposition. Unfortunately, the Opposition didn’t do its job. The jeering has been left to thew people.


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