(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Indian Defence Minister Rajnath Singh has assured the nation that though the People’s Liberation Army have, indeed, occupied that lake from the end of Three Idiots, they have not come even close to occupying India Gate from Rang De Basanti.
“Yes, the Chinese are there, at the lake at the end of Three Idiots, where Amir Khan is flying that toy plane and he sees Kareena, in bridal dress, on a scooter,” he said, in an emergency press conference after social media was ablaze with news of the Chinese venturing deep inside Indian territory. “But they have not, I repeat, not occupied India Gate from Rang De Basanti. That, I assure you. Yes, no one said they have, but I still assure you.”
“ ‘Hunuz Dilli duur ast,’ as that musla—former King from what is a respectable minority – once said,” he said. “So you guys don’t need to worry about it at all.”
“In fact, the handpump that Sunny Deol uprooted from Lahore in Gadar is also safe, yes sir,” he said.
“And I have posted Vicky Kaushal in the locality to protect the parliament, which is close to India Gate, which, I repeat, the Chinese have not occupied,” he said.
“I have also instructed Jackie Shroff to fly over our infantry divisions up north and deliver my message through sign language through his aircraft as they could see his thumbs-up clearly in the movie Border.”
