Categories: FeaturedThe Dependent

Local mental gymnast simultaneously believes 9/11 did not happen and that the Jews did it

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Sep 11 anniversary feature

Lahore – Our Conspiracy Correspondent: On first glance, Fayaz Chaudhry, a local Lahore businessman, does not look any different from any other of the shopkeepers on Ferozepur Road, Lahore.

But the 43-year-old father of four has a special talent that might get him into the Guinness Book of World Records this year.

“Yes, they called and are finalising the documentation; I might make it to next year’s edition.”

His talent: Chaudhry’s immense mental flexibility and years of rigorous training have enabled him to simultaneously believe that the attacks of September 11, 2001, both did not take place and did take place and were planned by the world’s Jewish overlords.

It might be difficult to believe, so he has a special demonstration to The Dependent team. “See, is there any evidence other than the photographic sort that prove that the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon were attacked? The authorities had immediately closed down the area. And we all know how easy it is to do Photoshop and make things up,” he said.

Then, without skipping a beat, he said. “The terrorists were all paid agents of the Jewish lobby that is running the world. All these Mossad agents then parachuted off the planes right before hitting their targets,” he said.

After this impressive performance, he was visibly tired and collapsed on to the chair at his office.

Talent runs high in the family. Chaudhry’s daughter Hira, a student at LUMS, believes Malala Yousafzai was not shot in Swat and that she was shot in Swat by RAW agents.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

Disqus Comments Loading...

Recent Posts

Govt determined to fulfill its promises: CM Buzdar

LAHORE: Punjab Chief Minister Sardar Usman Buzdar on Thursday said the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) government would fulfil its promises and was…

3 mins ago

Protesters express solidarity with two martyred Levies personnel in Qila Saifullah

Thousands of people poured on roads on Thursday to record their protest against the attack in Qila Saifullah the other…

3 mins ago

EU seeks closer North African ties to fight migrant smugglers

SALZBURG: EU leaders called Thursday for more intense talks with Egypt and other North African countries to take further steps…

8 mins ago

Russia, Turkey still working on ‘details’ of Idlib deal: UN

GENEVA: The deal to avoid a Syrian government offensive on Idlib province is still being worked out by Russia and…

10 mins ago

Kim wants another Trump summit to speed denuclearisation: Moon

SEOUL: North Korea's Kim Jong Un wants a second summit with US President Donald Trump soon to hasten denuclearisation, but…

13 mins ago

Naqeebullah case: SC sets next hearing on Sep 27

The Supreme Court (SC) of Pakistan on Thursday set the date of next hearing in Naqeebullah Mehsud case on September…

21 mins ago