Categories: Arts & CultureThe Dependent

Pakistan’s most corrupt deserved to be hanged… out with, says Hamza Ali Abbasi

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – Star actor and hopeful politician Hamza Ali Abbasi said that if he were to become the Prime Minister of Pakistan he could personally hang out with the most corrupt.

Talking exclusively to The Dependent Abbasi said, “What I would do if I was PM for a day is that I would… hang — out with — ooorrr possibly shoot — lots of pictures with – all the log jo bari corruption karte hain [people who commit large-scale corruption].”

He continued, “Un ko photography squad ke saamne khara kar ke un saaro ki tasveerein banwaunga.” [I would line them up in front of a photography squad and have all of them pictured.]

However, he was quick to clarify that he was saying this about those corrupt people in the Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI), who he is likely to surround himself with once he becomes the premier.

Here’s his rationale: “…Kyunke mulk ko bari corruption chalaati hai. Choti corruption saari partion mai hoti hai, lekin bari corruption waali party hi hukoomat banaati hai. Tou main ye ek kaam zaroor karoonga.” [The people who commit large-scale corruption are responsible for running a country. Small corruption happens in all parties, but it’s the parties responsible for bigger corruption that form the government. So I would definitely do this one thing if I was PM.]

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

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