Categories: BusinessLocalThe Dependent

Local banker’s eight-month-old son showing excellent third-quarter results

Karachi – Our Finance Correspondent: Shahwez Hassan, the eight-month-5-day-old son of Tariq Hassan, a local corporate banker, is already showing good results in the third quarter of his ongoing fiscal year.

“Despite volatility in the market and a central bank that refuses to ease up, Hassan’s crawl has picked up considerably,” says Hyder Bukhari, lead analyst at UCS Research. “I think he’s worth investing in.”

Currently weighing 9.97 kilograms, Hassan’s fixed assets are a good 15 per cent higher than other players in the competitive growing-up sector.

Other analysts, however, are not as hopeful. “We’ve seen in the past that outliers with such Q3 growth have a tendency to stabilise and he might be the same as other market players by Q2 next fiscal; perhaps even lighter,” says Fayez Rehman.

Hassan’s Cuteness Co-efficient is still much higher than others in the region. “Just look at him,” said Mrs Wajeeha Hassan, Chairperson of First Equity Trust and also his grandmother.

“Goo-goo-gaah,” said Shahwez Hassan, when contacted.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

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