CITY NOTES: Blessing people with the coronavirus

I think people missed the point when they spoke about the prime minister’s meeting with the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) spokesmen when he was supposed to be in quarantine due to his coronavirus positive status. Critics pounced on him for not having observed that quarantine. PTI supporters told everyone, including anyone who would not listen, how great the Kaptaan was for having the courage to work for the country despite being ill.

No one seems to have considered one aspect of the quarantine, which was the effect of being infected by Imran. Would that not have miraculous curative powers? Would it not beat being infected by someone ordinary and prosaic? I mean, the sudden emergence of variant strains is taking place, so why should the virus not undergo a mutation under the magnetic effect of Imran’s superior biology, and turn into a virus that is actually beneficial to catch?

The military knew how beneficial he is, because they postponed the 23 March parade to March 25, but he still did not show up, and had to make do with Pervez Khattak. I wonder if this was a March 23 parade.

So, actually Imran was doing the spokesmen a favour, giving them the golden chance of catching a beneficial virus. In fact, Imran should send across his plasma to the Pakistan cricket team, in the hope they might catch some of the spirit and ability which won the 1992 World Cup.

This might explain why then-United States president Donald Trump took out Secret Service agents while he was in isolation after testing positive for covid-19. He had symptoms, but even now, details remain sparse. It is a risky way of spreading one’s charisma, as the president of Tanzania, John Magufuli, died, suspectedly of Covid-19. ‘Suspectedly’? Yes, I use the word because he was a Covid denier. It had been beaten in Tanzania. Hmmm…. Sound familiar? Well, Pakistan (or rather Imran) has received WHO praise for how it has handled the pandemic.

Well, President Maguduli was not the first head of state or government to die of the coronavirus. President of Burundi, Pierre Nkurunziza, died last year. He had caught the virus from his wife. But he also had to face a problem that Imran is spared. It seems there was only one ventilator in the country. We might not have a surplus. We might even have a shortage. But we have more than one.

Of course, Covid-denying is not the only thing Imran shared with Trump. Also, his willingness to throw people under the bus. The latest person to be crushed is Nadeem Babar, the SAPM on natural resources, who had been inducted as an example of what Imran was all about when it came to attracting talent. Nadeem came to government after a career in the oil and gas industry.

And now he is carrying the can for last year’s fuel shortage. The enquiry committee says he is resigning, as is his secretary, not because he’s guilty, but so that he would not influence the inquiry. Normally, people are stopped from influencing an enquiry when there is reason to believe they might want to influence it. When at least some grounds exist to believe that they did something wrong.

That is how Imran threw Jahangir Tareen under the bus, despite the rides in his airplane that he had taken. However, both Babar and Tareen should take heart from Babar Awan’s and Aleem Khan’s examples, which show that there is always a comeback possible.

The rejection of Nawaz Sharif’s passport renewal request should have reminded someone that he was responsible for the fuel shortage. The best advice to Nawaz would be to burn his passport and disappear, probably to work as illegal labour in his sons’ store.

One of the problems for which he escaped blame is the shooting down of 10 people in Boulder, Colorado, by the Syrian-born Ahmad Al-Aliwi Alissa. Biden should blame Trump. Colorado is both liberal with gun sales and hash, which it has made legal. But no one seems to blame the weed.