Categories: LocalThe Dependent

National search for new excuse for low productivity commences as Ramzan ends

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Our Ramzan Correspondent


With the Ramzan officially at its end, the annual national search for excuses for low productivity has formally commenced in the country.

“As you all know, we have been worried about this problem since the last quarter of Ramzan when only ten days were left of this valuable resource of a plausible excuse for our low productivity,” said Khawaja Asif, convenor of the national search.

Typically used by, but not limited to, individuals who don’t fast in the first place, the excuse of Ramzan was used to justify delays in completion dates, violations of subsequent deadlines and shoddy work in general. With the resource finally depleted, the governmental-sanctioned search committee has been tasked to provide every male and female citizen in the labour force with an excuse for the aforementioned by a maximum of 45 days.

“The task ahead of us is huge, and we might not be able to fulfill our target by this timeframe, so the workforce of the country has to find some other justification in the meantime,” he continued. “I know it would be difficult to function without an excuse for low productivity, but we have to try.”

“For now we have the Eid break ahead so we’re good until then, but then we really have to dig our heels in and find those excuses.”

“Or we could try the other option, which is actually working as much and as hard as we’re supposed to,” joked Khawaja Asif in the end, as the hall exploded with the reporters’ laughter as the press conference ended on this light note.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

Disqus Comments Loading...

Recent Posts

Cricket world all praise for ‘wicket hunter’ Abbas

ABU DHABI: Pakistan's newest wicket hunter Mohammad Abbas was showered with praise on Saturday after rocking Australia with 17 wickets…

4 mins ago

Pakistani man sends trio of molesters to ex-girlfriend in Dubai to ‘get even’

A Pakistani man sent three of his friends to Dubai to molest and rob his 25-year-old Chinese ex-girlfriend, Khaleej Times…

11 mins ago

Nation’s fathers urge nation to reach airport at least 24 hours before flight

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) The nation’s fathers have urged…

16 mins ago

Saudi Arabia denies ever denying Jamal Khashoggi’s death

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.) Responding harshly to its critics,…

17 mins ago

India rejects Pakistan’s demand for inspection of dams on Chenab

India has refused to allow Pakistan to inspect the controversial water projects being built on the Chenab River. A private…

36 mins ago

Maisie Williams says Arya Stark ‘ended on the perfect scene’

We already know that Game of Thrones' final season has a "beautiful" ending in store for Tyrion Lannister and it…

47 mins ago