Categories: LocalThe Dependent

National search for new excuse for low productivity commences as Ramzan ends

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Our Ramzan Correspondent


With the Ramzan officially at its end, the annual national search for excuses for low productivity has formally commenced in the country.

“As you all know, we have been worried about this problem since the last quarter of Ramzan when only ten days were left of this valuable resource of a plausible excuse for our low productivity,” said Khawaja Asif, convenor of the national search.

Typically used by, but not limited to, individuals who don’t fast in the first place, the excuse of Ramzan was used to justify delays in completion dates, violations of subsequent deadlines and shoddy work in general. With the resource finally depleted, the governmental-sanctioned search committee has been tasked to provide every male and female citizen in the labour force with an excuse for the aforementioned by a maximum of 45 days.

“The task ahead of us is huge, and we might not be able to fulfill our target by this timeframe, so the workforce of the country has to find some other justification in the meantime,” he continued. “I know it would be difficult to function without an excuse for low productivity, but we have to try.”

“For now we have the Eid break ahead so we’re good until then, but then we really have to dig our heels in and find those excuses.”

“Or we could try the other option, which is actually working as much and as hard as we’re supposed to,” joked Khawaja Asif in the end, as the hall exploded with the reporters’ laughter as the press conference ended on this light note.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

Disqus Comments Loading...

Recent Posts

Model Town case: JIT records Nawaz’s statement at Kot Lakhpat jail

LAHORE: The joint investigation team (JIT) of Model Town case on Wednesday recorded the statement of former prime minister Nawaz Sharif…

12 mins ago

5.5 magnitude quake jolts southwestern Turkey

TURKEY: A 5.5 magnitude earthquake hit Turkey's southwest on Wednesday, authorities said. In a written statement, the Disaster and Emergency…

14 mins ago

Ponting backs Khawaja to make Australia’s World Cup squad

In-form batsman Usman Khawaja should be part of Australia’s World Cup plans despite the imminent returns of Steve Smith and…

47 mins ago

Afghan war hits children the hardest

After fighting forced Mohammad Khan, a villager from the northern Afghanistan province of Sar-e Pul, to move his family to…

2 hours ago

New Zealand to broadcast Friday Azaan ‘in solidarity with Muslims’

CHRISTCHURCH: New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern on Wednesday said Friday Azaan will be broadcast nationally along with a two…

3 hours ago

Australian far-right activist says Christchurch terror attack was ‘karma’

QUEENSLAND: An Australian far-right activist Neil Erikson on Tuesday called the Christchurch terrorist attack “a big news day for the leftists”, adding that…

3 hours ago