When Mohibbi rapped in Persian

 As a journalist, the question of bad language has often been posed. What is bad language? What is acceptable in a family newspaper? And what is a family newspaper? For me, I’ve tried to follow the rule that the reader is a 14-year-old kid, who’s got at best the second turn on the paper, after his father, and maybe the elder brother. Not the mother. Mothers don’t read newspapers. Grandmothers might. I remember my grandmother reading the morning newspaper in the afternoon. A lady with her priorities straight. After all, the paper wasn’t suddenly going to disappear at 11 am, was it? But still, the language in the newspaper was not such as would have raised a blush to my grandmother’s granddaughter’s cheek. Of course some of what had happened could, for man can be pretty beastly towards other men, after all.

But these days, I wonder. Was censoring bad language worth it? How do you ensure giving the reader an impression of the truth if you have to censor it? Usually, prominent public men, from the US President down to the Chairman of the Tulamba municipality, have cooperated by using the sort of language that could be quoted, even when what they said, should not. The present US President is an exception, and I really don’t know how you can repeat his words. Suffice it to say, they’re unprintable.

With typical elegance of expression and his usual stylish choice of words, he opened peace negotiations with the tweet, “Open the Strait, y f—ing b—----ds, or you’ll be livin in hell. Praise be to Allah.” (I’ve redacted his words),last words show he is taking his duties seriously as Khalifa, a responsibility given to him last year when the Muslim rulers signed off on his Gaza peace plan at the last UN General Assembly. Of course, the Iranians do not accept him as Khalifa, waiting instead for the Mahdi. Until then, they will have a Supreme Leader, who will exercise wilayat-i faqih, as did Ayatollah Ali Khamenei until his death, and as does Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei now. Iran missed its chance, though. If it had elected Trump Supreme Leader, things would now be much better.

Trump is angry at the Punjab Assembly, though. It has dared to suggest that Shehbaz Sharif and Field Marshal Asim Munir be given the Nobel Peace Prize, even though Trump has not got it yet despite the peace he has established between so many countries. Now maybe the National Assembly will do the needful by a resolution calling for Trump, and Trump alone, to get the Peace Prize, while his friend Kanye West could get the Literature Prize.

Trump is also upending logic by sacking the COAS. Clearly, there are no patriots left in the USA. One wonders whether the people in the Pentagon are sleeping at this violation of the natural order. I mean, imagine Khwaja Asif doing anything of the sort. The really important thing was that the Secretary Defense shot down five blacks and three women who were to be promoted to general in a list of 39. Again, the lack of interference shows that there are no patriots left in the USA.

It does not mean the USA was losing. After all, India sacked a div commander in East Pakistan because he was not making sufficient progress, but in the end, India did win.

I wonder if the first Siege of Vienna by the Ottomans, back in 1579, is of any relevance. Nowadays, Tehran being bombed is likelier. Anyhow, everyone could see both coming. Martin Luther published a book predicting the Ottomans were coming. The siege was only fought off because the people of Vienna put together a defence and employed mercenaries. Archduke Ferdinand, the future Emperor, had fled. Is he like the Arab emirs and kings? The Ottoman Sultan, Suleiman the Magnificent, is not known for the felicitous expression and way with words Trump has, even though he wrote poetry with the takhallus Mohibbi. And he wrote his poetry in Persian. Is that why Trump hangs with Kanye? To learn the African-American Vernacular dialect, which is a foreign language to him, so that he could rap in it under a takhallus like T-man or Prezzie.