(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – With the Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI) for years having depended on the army, of Twitter bots, for its eventual electoral success this year, the party is finding it hard to cope with the reality that the soldiers can’t help it out in a mass purge of embarrassing tweets of the past.
This has meant that the government is in complete disarray as it looks to deal with multiple crises, without the ability to rely on its most reliable militia to perform what government officials maintain is its topmost priority task.
“Having taken reliance on the army,” began a government official, while speaking to The Dependent, off the record, “to new highs, it’s a shame that there is now we can use it to remove, you know, the claims that we made when we weren’t in the government, which of course, were hideously insane.”
Government officials maintain that the first two months of their time at the helm have been spent trying to figure out a way to find every single embarrassing tweet from every single Twitter handle, especially the official ones, and deleting them.
“This is why we haven’t been able to do much else,” revealed a minister. “And of course a major problem is the fact that one also has to predict events in the future where some of our tweets from the past would appear embarrassing in addition to those tweets that have been embarrassing from the get go.”
