Trump and winning ways

Donald Trump keeps on making mistakes. The latest is his assumption that his help is wanted by the Iranian people. They might have had enough of their government, enough to die in their thousands, but whether they need Trump to help them is another matter. Whether they need his help or not, they’ve got it though. And they’ve got him egging them on to greater efforts. A rather surprised Iranian Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has blamed all the troubles on him.

That seems a little unfair. If Trump could turn on and turn off protests like that, surely he would have started some in Caracas. But no, there he just had the President kidnapped. Ayatollah Khamenei had better prepare to be kidnapped. The preparation would be to put together a bag containing a change of clothes, a few toiletries, and any medicines he might be taking. Pakistani politicians have usually had such a bag ready against whenever they are arrested, especially if they are in the opposition.

Trump is so angry with Iran he has given his anger to the whole world, placing a 25 percent tariff on any other country that trades with Iran. I suspect Russia, Syria and Afghanistan might not mind despite their border trade, because they see that they don’t have much trade with the USA anyway. But Pakistan might mind, considering the Zahidan-Taftan route in Balochistan. I wonder if smuggling counts. A lot of the so-called trade is Iranian petrol or diesel coming over. Would the USA count that as trade?

There’s been a more pressing problem for us, that Trump seems to have forgotten us in issuing invitations to the Board of Peace which will govern Gaza. There has been a defeat for Pakistani diplomacy because World Bank President Sanjay Singh Banga has been invited. He is not just Indian origin but also the son of an Indian Army lieutenant general. We’ve seen just how well he has safeguarded Pakistan’s rights in the recent suspension of the Indus Waters Treaty.

It has been made clear that the International Stabilization Force will be commanded by a US general. Does that mean the USA is going to put up the bulk of the troops? US generals have hardly covered themselves in glory in Afghanistan or Iraq, but you can bet that that general will look after Israeli interests as if they were US interests.

But could any general provide the sort of leadership that Shan Masood does? Last season, he managed to lead Pakistan to the most shameful defeat in Test history by losing by an innings after making 556, which is quite often a winning position, or at least a safe position. But after you concede 827 and then get bowled out out for 220, the result is you lose by an innings and 47 runs.

Well, he’s extended this to the first-class arena, and in the President’s Trophy match between PTV and Sui Northern Gas Pipelines Limited, he led SNGPL to defeat when they failed to get the 40 needed to win. SNGPL was bowled out for 37, with Shan Masood himself playing a captain’s knock of duck. He managed to break a record set in 1794, when MCC failed to get 41, set by England.

Brian Lara, the great Trinidad and West Indies batsman has the record for the highest individual score in both Tests, 400 not out for the West Indies versus England in 2004 at Kingston, and first class cricket, 501 for Warwickshire versus Durham in 1994. So it seems Shan Masood has emulated him by having the record for the worst defeats in both Tests and first-class cricket.

Maybe we should get him in charge of the ISF in Gaza. I’m sure he could turn it it into as spectacular a disaster as possible. Or maybe we could get him on the same page and make him PM. Imran, it might be remembered, was a weird and wonderful PM, even as captain he had not only won the World Cup but never led to as spectacular a defeat as Shan has achieved not once but twice.

As for Imran, he is not the Imran (along with Waqas) accused of assaulting over 100 children in Karachi. However, the PTI founder has been said to have expressed anger that so many assaults could take place by someone without asking him.

By the way, does anyone remember Javed Iqbal, the serial killer of Lahore? He also molested about 100 boys, but he also killed them between 1998 and 1999. Is Karachi trying to prove it is as bestial as Lahore.