(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
The head of Pakistan’s Central Ruet-e-Hilal Committee, Mufti Muneeb ur Rehman, has said that New Year’s festivities in Pakistan will begin on Wednesday.
Speaking to a press conference, Mufti Muneeb announced that the Ruet-e-Hilal Committee had been unable to spot January 1st on the calendar, and that they would now have to wait the last day just in case and celebrate on Wednesday.
While the rest of the world celebrated the start of 2019 on Tuesday, Mufti Muneeb said that Pakistan was an independent country with its own institutions and would not be listening to the rest of the world in this regard.
“We must all come together and trust our own” he said.
“No but that isn’t how it works . . .” read a stunned statement from the Pakistan Meteorological Department, ellipses and all.
“Wait but did he really say that? Please tell me he didn’t say that” it went on to plead.
