(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
In pursuance of a ‘no-tax’ budget for this financial year, the Federal Bureau of Revenue (FBR) has decided to abolish any and all taxes on ‘Special Multani scissor blessings’. In an official notification, a copy of which is available with The Dependent, the ‘special service’ has been deemed crucial and necessary in the current economic climate and therefore any revenue generated from it must not be taxed for a period of at least eighteen months.
The notification goes on to say that the ‘age old practice of blessing any paying customer by cutting a small strand of their hair with blessed scissors in the hands of the chosen one of noble birth and Holy blood’ can no longer be taxed as it would cripple the service industry that has been hit hard by the Covid-19 pandemic.
The summary, that was unusually generated and forwarded from the Foreign Ministry, ended up for discussion at last week’s federal cabinet meeting where it was unanimously supported. Reliable sources also confirmed that even after the approval of the recommendation a few members of the cabinet from the saraiki belt delivered short speeches endorsing the move.
“This will be particularly good on the foreign policy front. We currently face a multitude of challenges ranging from heightened tensions with India to the upcoming FATF review. This tax break will provide support to enable us as a country to navigate the intricate and sometimes unpredictable ways of international diplomacy”, said an energized Shah Mehmood Qureshi, the Federal minister of foreign affairs, when asked about the ongoing Indio-China escalation.
To a follow up question inquiring exactly how, a tax exemption that would almost certainly allow the ramping up of a regressive ritual that financially exploits an already marginalized dirt poor section of society that has no choice in the matter, help Foreign affairs, FM Qureshi asked rhetorically, “I don’t think you understand how things work around here, do you?”
