(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
An efficient and revamped Election Commission of Pakistan (ECP) has compiled the election results for the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (KP) provincial assembly.
“Yes, there was a lot of criticism levelled at the ECP during the 2018 elections, when our Results Transmission System (RTS) was not up to the mark and delayed the release of election results by a couple of days,” said Saleem Hassan, Additional Secretary ECP. “So this time we have compiled the list of winners and numbers of votes for each individual candidate much in advance.”
“This is much better than going through the whole rigamarole and I think it is a fine example of government departments getting modernised as far as information technology and digitisation is concerned,” he said.
“What algorithms did we use to get the list of winners before the polling has even taken place? Well, for that we have relied upon the cooperation of certain other government institutions, which have been able to predict with great consistency the results of such elections.”
