RAWALPINDI/KABUL – Growing sick and tired of the extempore diplomatic gaffes on part of their esteemed speaker, the speechwriters have decided to pen the text so as to ensure that the exact message is delivered without any divergence or blunders.
Diplomatic sources have informed The Dependent that the latest technique being used to micromanage Prime Minister Imran Khan is penning the speech on the inner side of his facemask. The technique was first deployed in PM Khan’s address in Kabul on Thursday.
“The micromanagers asked the interns to write the speech inside PM’s facemask, who placed the mask upside down on the dice after taking it off before beginning his speech,” confirmed a linguistic security official privy to the management.
“While this helps ensure that nothing out of the script is said, it also helps maintain the prime minister’s ego which is overly attached to his pride not using a parchi, which of course would’ve made all our lives easier.”
Speaking to The Dependent a member of the micromanaging entourage of speechwriters said that while the strategy worked in Kabul, they are still working on backup plans for when it doesn’t.
“It’s not easy feeding him what needs to be said. First we used to do rehearsals but they stopped working. Even multiple readings never help, and we’ve grown sick of his off the cuff errors,” said one micromanaging speechwriter.
“Literal off the cuff– we used to write his speeches on both the cuffs. Why do you think he makes so many weird hand gestures?”