Dependent Op-Ed: ‘Dear critics of non-filing of taxes, do you know how taxing it is to change the fortunes of this country?’ | Pakistan Today

Dependent Op-Ed: ‘Dear critics of non-filing of taxes, do you know how taxing it is to change the fortunes of this country?’

By Zee Bee

Never, I repeat never, doubt the loyalty, ability, capability, durability, flexibility, or duality of dual nationals. Never, ever, do this – especially you are, or have, anything related to overseas Pakistanis or human resources in general.

Similarly, dual nationals in the government’s cabinet are like the door handles that open a regular wooden cabinet. You just cannot have the cabinet in its existing form without them, and even if you do, you just won’t be able to access it. It’s not a cabinet without the handles – it’s a pointless, large, slob.

Also, let me clarify that I am only a dual national, because I have two different nationalities. If I did not have two nationalities, I would not be a dual national.

My first nationality is close to my heart, more esteemed, previous. It is owing to my birth and my parents’ homeland. The second nationality is compelling me to write this Op-Ed.

Yes, you are right that Prime Minister Imran Khan has always talked about dual nationals contesting elections and leaving the country after taking part in national politics. But you’re forgetting that those were different dual nationals and more important that was a different Imran Khan.

Again, I don’t need to remind you how different cabinets can be, and are, of different quality. But let’s not go there, because that would unleash so many skeletons in the cabinet.

Indeed, more important than the stupid questions over dual nationality, are the stupid question over tax returns.

You need to know that all of my money and my business is outside Pakistan – do you really think I would give up all that just for this part-time holier than thou project that I’m a part of? That explains the significance of my first, and most important, nationality. It also explains my tax returns – or lack thereof.

The critics of non-filing of taxes, who are clearly the enemies of Pakistan and its progress, need to know that I have declared all my assets and filed all my taxes. Yes, everything that needs to be showed and shared has been done so with the only moral authority in the country: Prime Minister Imran Khan.

About my Land Cruiser’s value, much like everything else in my asset and nationality declaration, it was a clear typo – albeit deliberate and well thought out. It is not appropriate to judge the values of assets owned by SAPMs with that of the value of the same assets owned by ordinary people.

But most important of all, shut up about assets, nationalities and taxes already! Do you know how taxing it is to change the fortunes of this country?

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.



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