National Assembly passes budget, air | Pakistan Today

National Assembly passes budget, air

The National Assembly on Monday passed the Finance Bill 2020-2021. It also passed copious amounts of flatulence in said session.

“The Finance Bill for the fiscal year 2020-2021 is hereby passed,” said Speaker Asad Qaiser, while pausing to shift in his seat. “I would like to congratulate the government.”

The passing of the budget is a routine activity and is the bare minimum courtesy opposition benches extend the treasury benches in every chamber of legislature, but the atmosphere was soured not only by the tension caused by the speeches of the PPP and the ruling PTI but also by the considerable amount of the hydrogen sulphide and ammonia present in the large intestine that are released during farts.

Whereas the finance bill is the only piece of legislation about which there is never any doubt about the origination, the flatulence remained fiercely contested, with all sides denying responsibility.

Some experts suggest that the culprit is federal minister Murad Saeed, who had first said there was a stench in the air.

“There are many game theorists who believe that the individual who first calls to attention that a fart is in the air, is the culprit,” said Dr Shariq Cheema, professor of mathematics at LUMS. “It is a signal to the others implying that they can’t be the one that is responsible for said flatulence, because why would they bring it up? Game theorists suggest that there is a strong possibility that this is a costly signal, a gamble, to deflect responsibility.”

“This reasoning is known in common parlance as he who smelt it, dealt it,” said Dr Cheema.

However, this is a minority opinion. Most of those present on not just the benches but also in the visitors and press galleries, said that this was in no way the work of one digestive system. 

“This was the work of 15 to 20 people, I think,” said Sadiq Yousafzai, a reporter. “I have covered the Swat operation closely and never ever have I feared for my life as much as I did today.”

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.