Martial law declared in US; Gen Milley takes oath as president | Pakistan Today

Martial law declared in US; Gen Milley takes oath as president

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Protests, violence in multiple US cities

Roberts, six other Justices under detention after refusing PCO

As the protests in the multiple American cities spill into lawlessness, the United States Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff Committee, General Mark A. Milley took over on Monday. After declaring himself as the Chief Martial Law Administrator, he was administered oath as President by Justice Clarence Thomas, who earlier took oath under a Provisional Constitution Order, after Chief Justice John Roberts, along with six other Justices refused to take oath.

“My dead fellow Americans,” said the new President, addressing the public on C-SPAN. “In light of the current, tense circumstances, I have suspended the House of Representatives, Senate, respective state legislatures and local governments till further notice.”

“A state of emergency has been declared but do keep in mind, this is all for a short period of time,” he clarified. “The new government thinks of itself as a custodian of the people’s confidence and new elections to all these legislatures shall be conducted within a period of ninety days, after which I shall be overcome with emotions that the people would have reposed in me and unwilling continue to be president.”

The development has been welcomed with caution by political observers.

“I think it is what was needed, really, given the sheer conflagration that we are seeing in our cities right now. He is a thorough professional and has a clear, focused head on his shoulders,” said Mosharraf Zaidi, a political analyst.

“I know MS Word, am a team player and can work with deadlines,” Zaidi added.


The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.