(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
In what can only be described as another prudent, timely and well-though out decision during such strange and troubled times, the Economic Coordination Committee (ECC) has approved the import of locusts from neighbouring countries to plug the shortfall that is getting in the way if the plague quickly and efficiently destroying 100% of crops in the country.
The decision was taken after much deliberation, with a consensus on the proposal tabled by Adviser to Prime Minister on Finance and Revenue and ECC Chairman Dr Abdul Hafeez Shaikh who stressed on the need to get ahead of the problem and ensure that the locust attack does not die out on its own before full advantage of this rare occurrence is taken.
“With only 21% of Pakistan’s fertile land affected by the crop eating insects so far, there is plenty of room and demand for more”, stated Mr. Sheikh during a press conference where the decision was announced.
“There is a real opportunity here. Once we have 100% penetration, there is a good chance the locust takes a liking to our hospitable environment, settles down and starts breeding. Then we can easily export those new ‘Made in Pakistan’ locusts to other countries looking to quickly ravage and weaken their food security as well” explained former National food security Minister and current Minister for Economic Affairs.
The press conference was soon followed by the release of a PM office notification directing the ‘Corona Tiger Force’ to ensure that no locusts were being used in any type of rice or gravy based cooking and any such incident be immediately reported to local authorities so that it can be isolated and stopped from spreading/recurring.