(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – The daily record covid-19 infections underline that coronavirus situation in Pakistan is “under control,” said Special Assistant to the Prime Minister on Health Dr Zafar Mirza on Friday.
Addressing media in Islamabad, Mirza said the highest number of deaths that Pakistan had thus far recorded in a single day, coupled with the highest number of infections in a day, shows that the government has been successfully implementing its health strategy.
“Undoubtedly, the virus is spreading quickly, but we’ve made sure that the masses are spreading at an even quicker rate,” he said.
Highlighting that the speed of virus contraction is worsening, he said a further rise was expected as part of the government’s plan.
“The main question to address here is over our facilities having enough beds, especially in critical care units. We are trying to ensure that citizens swiftly contract coronavirus before the hospitals run out of capacity,” he said, adding once again that the situation is “under control” and that only 18-20 percent of ventilators designated for coronavirus are currently being utilized.
Referring to recent reports from doctors that they are running short of beds and ventilators due to a sharp spike in new infections, Mirza admitted the government’s plan has worked “at big hospitals in cities.” He claimed this was because these facilities were located in cities with large populations.
“We need the strategy to work across the country and not just in the urban centres.”