Indian Army stunned as nuclear-assed spy craps weapons-grade uranium projectiles | Pakistan Today

Indian Army stunned as nuclear-assed spy craps weapons-grade uranium projectiles

NEW DELHI/SRINAGAR – The Indian Border Security Forces (BSF) have been left stunned after capturing the deadliest Pakistani spy pigeon yet, The Dependent has learnt.

According to sources, the pigeon “with a prominent pink patch and a tag on its leg”, who was logged at the police station as a “suspected Pakistani spy” on Monday after having been handed over to the police in Indian held Kashmir, is the first nuclear capable Pakistani spy.

Sources within the Indian intelligence and the BSF have confirmed that the Pakistani spy was ‘nuclear assed’, with the now prisoner of war seen crapping ‘weapons grade nuclear material’.

“We immediately took the contaminated sh*t to the laboratory to be tested and it was discovered that it was projectiles which had a high concentration of fissile isotopes uranium-235 and plutonium-239,” revealed a senior military scientist while talking to The Dependent. 

“We found evidence of isotope separation within the pigeon’s digestive system, which functioned as a nuclear reactor,” the nuclear scientist added.

Intelligence officials said that the pigeon has initially been suspected of being part of an “espionage attempt” but has now been confirmed as a formal nuclear attack by Pakistan. Sources further confirm that the pigeon relentlessly crapped throughout the day on Thursday, May 28.

This is not the first time a Pakistani spy pigeon has been by the Indian forces. In 2015, a pigeon was captured by Indian forces for crossing the Indo-Pak border into India’s Pathankot area. 

Indian intelligence sources are concerned about the internal damage the past pigeons might’ve caused given that there internal anatomy was never inspected.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.