New patriotic sanitiser brand finalising plans for use of ‘good coronavirus’ as strategic asset - Pakistan Today

New patriotic sanitiser brand finalising plans for use of ‘good coronavirus’ as strategic asset

RAWALPINDI – Having been tasked by the regional circumstances to create yet another business model out of a far-reaching crisis, the state’s number one financial empire has begun chalking out the plan on war-footing.

With the launch of a new patriotic sanitiser brand, the latest profitable strategy which will serve the interest of the empire and is widely interpreted to be in line with the aspirations of the people it rules over, the 20th century ‘strategic asset’ model is all set to be reintroduced.

Sources within the empire have informed The Dependent, that amidst the spread of what has now become a coronavirus pandemic, not only is work being undertaken to create sanitisers and even look to formulate the vaccine, the most important task being carried out currently is the separation of ‘good coronavirus’ from ‘bad coronavirus’.

According to the documents underlining the strategy, available exclusively with The Dependent, the strategy aims to use the ‘good coronavirus’ as a strategic asset that would give the empire and the state

– used interchangeably in the documents – strategic depth in the regional vaccine market, while at the same time giving the empire/state leverage over foreign medics looking to completely eliminate the pandemic in the region.

The documents underline that the empire hopes to keep volumes of ‘good coronavirus’ handy, safely being locked up in inaccessible parts of the country, only to be unleashed when the empire’s own interests are under threat.

Experts privy to the development say that if all goes according to plan, decades from now the empire would make significant profit by looking to incorporate the ‘good coronavirus’ in the vaccine sold in the region, especially across the western border.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.



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