Army helicopters also coach ungrateful LUMS students for Calculus II exam | Pakistan Today

Army helicopters also coach ungrateful LUMS students for Calculus II exam

After rescuing a group of students belonging to the Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS) from a snowed in area of Gilgit-Baltistan, a Pakistan Army helicopter is now teaching the ungrateful bunch for Calculus II as well. 

The helicopter has been giving Calculus lessons twice a week in the evening after getting off from its day job in the army, to the ungrateful LUMS students that continue to not appreciate all of the services of the armed forces. 

“What brats? Can you believe? the hero helicopter told The Dependent. “No please, no thank you, didn’t even look up from their phones and say ‘Thank You Pak Army.’ I didn’t even see the hashtag on any of their twitter accounts.” 

“So I thought I would quiz them a bit and start off with one of my classic math jokes. I said, Alcohol and Calculus don’t mix well, don’t drink and derive” said the helicopter in the between peals of laughter. “It wasn’t even a math joke, just a pun, but I was shocked at how blank they were. What do they even teach at university these days?”

“I started asking a few questions, and it was pretty clear soon enough that they didn’t even know what integration was, let alone derivation” the helicopter said, shaking its head in dismay. “It was typical behaviour from this generation. They kept giving silly answers like ‘we’re cold’ and ‘is there any food’ can you believe?” 

“I even tried to ask them easier questions like who is the defender of the country and who won all the wars, but zero response” That’s when I knew I had to step in” said the helicopter.  

“It has been a bit of a struggle, for starters, I couldn’t fit in through the classroom doors” said the 53 ft long, 13 ft tall, 10 ft wide, 2635 KG Bell AH-1 Cobra with a slight blush. “But thankfully we got past that after the university knocked a hole in the wall for me. This is just another one of the major sacrifices that have to be made.”

The specially designed course is a rigorous boot camp in calculus ii, and involves weekly detailed submissions as well as a video diary in which they record themselves thanking the army helicopter for helping them with their math.

“I have had to incinerate a few students with sidewinder missiles, but that is because every time I ask them a math question or who they owe their peaceful sleep at night, they say weird things like ‘we can’t hear you over your wings’” it ended. 

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.