While maintaining strictly the veracity of its claims regarding the effects of tobacco on health, the federal ministry of health finally admitted on Saturday that smoking does look cool.
The development took place when the ministry officials were designing a new ad campaign against tobacco. “We thought that since even putting those pictures of cancer patients on cigarette packets weren’t helpful in deterring people from smoking, we would now design an ad campaign that tells people, especially young people, that smoking doesn’t look good,” said Dr Sagheer Baloch, Federal Secretary, Health Division. “But all of us immediately realised what a full of bullsh*t ad that would be.”
“So we immediately decided to change our path and be open, even if begrudgingly, about how awesome-looking smoking is,” he added.
“Yes, there is no doubt about it,” said Dr Saima Sheikh, Research Director, National Institute of Health. “It may contain 43 of the known carcinogens, but it looks awesome.”
“But only if done correctly,” she continued, “and by that I mean smoking by a male, while wearing a white T-shirt, jeans and a leather jacket, leaning against a wall, with a smouldering indifference on his face that says, ‘No, Saima, I don’t care if you’ve graduated from medical college, I’m still not the marrying sort,’, then yeah, that does look… I’m sorry, I need a moment.”
Independent health researchers also verified that the coolness-quotient of smoking extends to women as well. “A thoughtful drag on a cigarette by, say an English teacher, let us call her Miss Ayesha, at a Beaconhouse twenty years ago, while one peered into the staff room, can still linger on in the mind of a medical researcher to his day,” said Dr Sahir Khan, a medical researcher at HeartFile.
“This was a hypothetical, made-up example, of course,” he added.