(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
YOUR CONSCIENCE – The burden of the revival of the national sport was put squarely on your shoulders on Sunday, when the Pakistan hockey team clarified that it just won’t start winning anything meaningful till you can name three members of the current Pakistani squad without looking them up on Google.
Pakistan, which failed to qualify for the second straight Olympics after having been beaten 6-1 by Netherlands in the second qualifier at Amsterdam on Sunday, is currently ranked 17th in the world as the national side continues its slump in a sport it once dominated. And now the hockey team has clarified that it’s up to you to ensure that it retraces its glory days.
“We have too much self-respect to go out of our way to work hard for a nation that does not even know who we are,” the national hockey team told your subconscious on Sunday.
“When the cricket team loses even a pointless T20 match the whole country goes insane. And here we aren’t even qualifying for the Olympics and no one cares – where is Dr Nauman Niaz?” the hockey team further asked you.
As a result, the team has decided that they won’t perform till you can name three members of the current Pakistan hockey squad whenever randomly asked in any point in time, over the near future.
“Or even two. Or the captain to begin with – yes, do you know who the captain of the Pakistan hockey team is?” the hockey team further asked you.
At bedtime, you conveniently put the burden back on the Pakistan hockey team, telling them you’d start to know who they are once they start winning some matches.