(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION – Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State (ISIS), who according to the US President Donald Trump “died” on Sunday, is still “alive and well” claims Al-Qaeda Founder and Leader Osama bin Laden.
Talking exclusively to The Dependent, Bin Laden rubbished American claims of closing in on Baghdadi, who Washington said detonated a suicide vest to kill himself during a US raid in north-west Syria.
“They claim all kinds of things ahead of Election Year to support their reelection bid,” Bin Laden said while talking to this scribe.
“Trust me, soon Turkish Army and civil leadership will claim that it had no idea that Baghdadi was so close to their border. Then a Barisha Commission will be formed to compile a report, the findings of which won’t ever be revealed,” the al-Qaeda founder added.
When asked how he was so sure that Baghdadi was still alive, Bin Laden replied reflexively. “Oh come on I just Facetimed with him earlier today. Fazlullah met him yesterday,” he said referring to the leader of the Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan, believed to have been killed in a US drone strike.
“If you don’t believe me, just ask Hakimullah Mehsud,” Bin Laden added referring to the leader of the Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan, believed to have been killed in a US drone strike.