(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Pakistan has inadvertently recognised the State of Israel after social media celebrity Hareem Shah accidentally pulled a lever under the Prime Minister’s chair at the Foreign Office building here in Islamabad.
“This is a very serious and unfortunate development and I will be reading a prepared statement soon enough,” said Foreign Office spokesperson Dr Faisal. “But, for the time being I can say that yes, as of now, Pakistan recognises the Zionist state.”
TikTok celebrity Hareem Shah was at the Foreign Office Main Hall, from where videos of her sitting on the Prime Minister’s chair (reserved for whenever the premiere visits) were leaked and widely criticised. Upon wanting to lower the seat to her level, she pulled a critical lever under the PM’s chair, which had the controls for establishing diplomatic ties with Israel.
“Of course this is a sad development. The refusal to recognise Israel, the usurper government, the world’s only racist state and a fascist military juggernaut, despite international pressure to do so was the only bit of Pakistani foreign policy that I was proud of,” said a foreign office source on the condition of anonymity. “And because of whom? A silly little social media influencer type?”
“Now if it were that other one,” clarified the source, trailing off in a wistful smile. “Her cuter friend, Sundas Khattak. If she had done it, I might have been a tad more forgiving.”
Shah’s visit, however, was not all bad. As she was being escorted out of the building, she announced that she had chanced upon a file at the desk.
“It’s Eritrea that has the coast, not Ethiopia. And it is Ethiopia that has just come into some oil, not Eritrea. You guys prepared the brief the other way around,” she said. “Sorry, Ma’am, we’ll correct it,” said a sheepish looking Director of the Africa Desk.