(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Noted military theorist, voted sexiest warrior alive five years straight by BrassTacks magazine, saw a big hurdle in his plans to stock on supplies in anticipation of the upcoming Ghazwa-e-Hind when he was informed that Slantys were out of stock.
“I had gone to the Qadri General Store and they told me they were out of the stuff,” said the general, while speaking to The Dependent. “So, I thought this was typical Qadri General Store slack. But when I went to QuickShop down the road, that is when I found out that things were serious.”
“Searched all over the city; called Kolson’s, who make them, but no avail,” he said, with a slight tremor accompanying the tears that had now formed in his eyes.
When an associate told him that the Plain Salted and Vegetable flavours were both available, Hamid threw a fit and screamed, “I don’t WANT saltish; I want the RED ones!”
Now crying inconsolably, Hamid told The Dependent that he “just can’t do it anymore.” When asked whether he was talking about his stockpiling plan, he replied,
“No, not just that. This, everything, anything. I just can’t take it anymore. Sorry. Bye.”