(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
NEW DELHI – Amidst indefinite security lockdown in the country and elected representatives under house arrest, India’s ruling Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) stripped the country of its status as a union of states, through a rushed presidential order on Thursday.
The order revoked the Article 1 of the constitution, which established “India as a Union of States”, replacing the first article of the Part 1 of the Constitution to underline the country’s new Union territory.
After scrapping Article 1 of the Constitution, India now officially self-identifies as a “Union between Amit Shah and Narendra Modi”.
The original Article 1 had limited the powers of Home Minister Shah and Prime Minister Modi to feel synonymous with the country itself and in turn prevented the duo from exercising executive powers needed to impose themselves across the country.
As India’s parliament debated the move, tens of thousands of Central Reserve Police Force (CRPF) from different parts of the country were summoned. The Indian army and air force were also placed on high alert.
Home Minister Amit Shah also moved a bill to bifurcate what is now the Union between Amit Shah and Narendra Modi into two further union territories – Amit Shah as one and Narendra Modi as the other.
A statement issued by the former home minister, and now one half of the Indian Union, said that “Amit Shah will be a union territory with legislature while Narendra Modi will be a union territory without legislature”.
Article 1 of the Indian Constitution now reads:
“(1) India, that is Bharat, shall be a Union between Amit Shah and Narendra Modi. (2) The two territories thereof shall be as specified in the First Schedule. (3) The territory of India shall comprise – (a) Amit Shah (b) Narendra Modi and (c) such other territories as may be acquired.”