(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LINE OF CONTROL – Armed with his favourite sword that has seen a millennia and half of bloodshed, sitting atop his trusted friend Izrael, the warhorse, the Sipah Salaar of this nation Zaid Zaman Hamid on Monday morning was seen galloping towards the Line of Control signaling the commencement of the prophesised Ghazwa-e-Hind.
Sitting proudly atop Izrael, wielding his two-pronged sword above his head, the Sipah Salaar flew through the Neelum Valley and then entered the Keran sector near the LoC ready to lead the nation towards the conquest of India that he had waited all his life for.
Not fazed by the fact that the rest of the nation was taking their fair share of time to finally arrive at the stop and follow his lead into conquering India, Sipah Salaar Zaid Zaman Hamid spoke to this scribe along the Keran sector border, congratulating the entire khilafat in advance for the foretold triumph that it is going to bask in.
“This is the moment I’ve waited for my entire life; this is the moment you’ve waited for – this is the moment this entire nation has waited for,” Zaid Hamid said while talking to The Dependent from the yet to be converted warzone.
“And for this momentous occasion, I have the three things that I’ve needed to successfully wage Ghazwa-e-Hind, Izrael my horse, this sword – both of whom helped me drive the Soviet kufaar out of Afghanistan in the 1980s – and this scripture,” he added, pulling out a copy of ‘Bang-e-Dara’ from his inner pocket.
Despite getting visibly perturbed, after a few minutes, by the battalion not catching up with him in time to initiate Ghazwa-e-Hind, Sipah Salar Zaid Hamid maintained that ghazwa is on schedule.
“The troops, the rest of the nation, should be here soon. It’s just that my Izrael runs – nay flies – faster than any manmade machine that they might be taking to reach this spot,” he said.
At press time, the Sipah Salaar was sharpening his sword with the help of a massive log that he had carved out from a tree that he had chopped down with the same sword.