(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD/LAHORE/KARACHI/PESHAWAR/QUETTA – In a sentence that spanned across five days, the nation collective said that the New Zealand cricket team did not deserve to be in the semifinal of the recently concluded ODI World Cup but also deserved to win it all.
“How can you let a side qualify on Net Run Rate, that’s no way to decide who qualifies for the semifinal… how can you let a side win the final on the number of boundaries scored, that’s no way to decide who wins the World Cup,” said Peshawar based civil engineer Shafqat Ahmed, across the course of the abovementioned five days.
“It has all been planted by the ICC. Pakistan should have qualified instead of New Zealand because we beat them in the group stage… It has all been planted by the ICC. New Zealand should have won against England in the final because it took more wickets,” noted Quetta based entrepreneur Mehreen Shaukat.
Similar sentences were uttered across the country, where the nation simultaneously expressed frustration over New Zealand making it to the semifinals at Pakistan’s expense and then expressed frustration over New Zealand not winning the final against England.
“All of this is because BCCI controls ICC,” said Hameed Chaudhry, a Karachi based shopkeeper, who used the same sentence when New Zealand qualified for the semis instead of Pakistan and when England won the World Cup instead of New Zealand.