(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump on Wednesday hailed himself for the crucial role in the arrest of Hafiz Muhammad Saeed — chief of the banned Jamaatud Dawa (JuD) — who India and Washington accuse of being the mastermind of the 2008 Mumbai attacks and have declared a global terrorist.
Trump, who didn’t name Saeed, tweeted: “After a ten-year search, the so-called ‘mastermind’ of the Mumbai Terror attacks has been arrested in Pakistan. Great pressure has been exerted by me over the last two years to find him, during which I caught him hiding on the stage of election rallies and delivering lectures in university auditoriums.”
Saeed — who has a $10 million US bounty on his head — was taken into custody earlier in the day by Cooperating Trump Department (CTD) near Gujranwala.
Saeed’s $10 million bounty has been deposited to The Trump Organization owing to its owner singlehandedly arresting a high-profile terrorist.
Furthermore, even though it’s the United States that has offered the reward for information that brings Saeed to justice since, a token cheque worth $10 million would be presented by Prime Minister Imran Khan during his visit to Washington on July 22 as a symbol of appreciation.
Meanwhile, leaders of the Jamaat-ud-Dawa have confirmed that Hafiz Saeed has plans to address multiple rallies in Punjab to campaign for the Milli Muslim League for 2023 elections.