Proof of PTM foreign funding discovered; must for 9:00 bulletin, run without attribution, says ARY newscaster | Pakistan Today

Proof of PTM foreign funding discovered; must for 9:00 bulletin, run without attribution, says ARY newscaster

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Smoking gun proof has been discovered regarding the foreign funding of the Pashtun Tahaffuz Movement (PTM), read a news item on ARY’s 9:00 PM bulletin, without attribution.

“Clear and incontrovertible evidence regarding the nefarious agenda of the so-called rights movement has been discovered and should remove any doubts in the minds of patriotic Pakistanis, specially Pashtuns,” said the ARY newscaster. “Place as third top story in the nine o’clock bulletin and repeat till nine o’clock the next day.”

“It is a must,” read the newsreader.

“This evidence makes the case for keeping Ali Wazir, Mohsin Dawar and the other PTM activists in custody till more evidence can be collected from them,” read the bulletin. “I repeat, this is a must; we don’t want a repeat of Tuesday’s omission. No excuses of a newer fellow as Shift-in-Charge, okay. Don’t make me call Salman.”

“Sh*t, did I just….,” the newscaster concluded.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.



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