(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Foreign Minister Shah Mahmood Qureshi came down hard on criticism of the federal government’s appointment of Ali Jehangir Siddiqui as ambassador at large after opposing his appointment by the previous government as ambassador to the US.
“There is no comparison between our opposition then and our appointment now because these are two different people that we’re talking about,” said Qureshi at a press conference at the Foreign Office on Saturday. “Ever since he took up yoga and has quit refined sugar, the man is like a completely different person, I swear.”
“I almost couldn’t recognise him, trust me, he’s completely different,” he continued. “Completely.”
“This is such a completely flawed criticism. Apples and oranges, really,” he said.
“That’s not all,” added information minister Firdous Ashiq Awan. “He’s also read not only The Secret but also Eat, Pray, Love. He is not the man he was last year. In fact, I think NADRA should just formalise this transformation and issue him a completely new ID card.”
“They are two different people. Any criticism is invalid. Moving on.”