(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD/LAHORE/KARACHI/PESHAWAR/QUETTA – Nation’s cinema owners launched a nationwide protest on Eid demanding that just like every post-Ramzan brings the release of Shaitan from the shackles, it should simultaneously bring for them a release of Salman.
In protests across all major cities, the cinema owners maintained that the ban on Bollywood films in the country was destroying their businesses, demanding that the ban be overturned in Pakistan.
“It’s clear that for cinemas to remain function, the release of Shaitaan needs to be accompanied with the release of Salman,” said Film distributor and exhibitor Nadeem Mandviwalla, referring to the annual Eid release of the Bollywood superstar Salman Khan, whose film Bharat was released globally on Eid this year.
“Because I can assure you that around 90% of Pakistani films aren’t even watched by those who were a part of making them, let alone their friends or family,” Mandviwalla added.
Talking to The Dependent, a manager at the Cinestar cinemas in Lahore said that Chhalawa, and Wrong No 2 perfectly epitomised the concerns of the cinema owners.
“The Pakistani state is the chhalawa that punishes us for their stupidity,” the manager said, wishing anonymity. “The Indian state is Wrong No 2.”