(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Audio recordings of the Chairman of the National Accountability Bureau Javed Iqbal flirting with the “Welcome to Ufone helpline” voice menu have been obtained by Pakistan’s paper of record, The Dependent.
After being released by The Dependent The audio recordings went viral on social media, specially the messaging service WhatsApp, causing a bit of a stir and a national conversation on the integrity and lack of game of the NAB chief.
Customer Care Helpline: “Welcome to the Ufone Helpline.”
Javed Iqbal: “Well, hello there…you sound lovely today..”
Helpline: “For services in English, press 1.”
Javed Iqbal: “..and how are we feeling? Still upset with me?”
Helpline: “Urdu mein maaloomat ke liye, 2 dabayye.”
Javed Iqbal: “Won’t give me a straight answer, I see? You’re going to make me work for it, aren’t you?”
Helpline: “Pukhto ke maaloomat dapara, 3 milao kay.”
Javed Iqbal: “…ah, the whole game. God, this is so…so…us..haha…”
The conversation ended when the Justice (retd) was informed that though his call was important to Ufone, all lines were busy at the moment and that he should hold on.