(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LAHORE – Taking advantage of the brief moment when nobody was looking at him, the Leader of Opposition in the Punjab Assembly, Hamza Shehbaz, stole his favourite caramel flavoured candy from the goody bag designed for Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) spiritual leader Nawaz Sharif’s return to Kot Lakhpat jail late Tuesday night.
Hamza Shehbaz, known fondly in his own head as Hamzu, currently under investigation by the National Action Bureau (NAB) in the Ramzan Sugar Mills case, got his much craved dose of midnight sugar through the farewell goody bag that was made exclusively for his Taya Abu’s time in jail.
“I know this bag features all the goodies that Taya Abu likes, and he will need them when he’s alone in jail, unsure when and if he’d come out. But what harm can taking only one candy do?” Hamzu asked himself before stealthily moving his hand towards the front pocket of the bag of the three-time Prime Minister of Pakistan, placed between the front two seats of the car that he was driving.
“I mean he has like a million of them in his bag. Why would it be a problem if I take one? He won’t even notice if one is missing right?” Hamzu continued to question himself, as he drove his uncle to Kot Lakhpat jail.
“Oh no Maryam saw me. I might have to take two candies now,” Hamza Shehbaz Sharif, told himself at press time.