(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
The newly appointed Federal Minister for States and Frontier Regions (Safron) Shehryar Afridi has said that the Khasadars and Levies of the erstwhile FATA agencies will be inducted into the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa Police. “And, of course, Asad Umar, who will also be adjusted in the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa police.”
The Khasadars and Levies were the paramilitary law enforcers of the Political Agents and Assistant Political Agents of the former Fata agencies, all seven of whom have been redesignated as Districts of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa proper after the merger of FATA with the province. Meanwhile, Asad Umar was the federal finance minister.
After the aforementioned merger, there was a bit of uncertainty about the fate of these personnel, which was settled by the minister in a press conference on Wednesday. As was the fate of the former finance minister.
“These fellows are out brothers and we will look out for their future,” said Afridi. “We don’t care what the KP Home Department or Farhan Virk say. They are going to be given pensionable jobs in the KP Police.”
“And proper KP Police uniforms,” he added.
The press conference ended when The Dependent’s reporter pointed out that there was no Ministry of Safron after the merger and Afridi, too, was basically out of a job.