(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – A 35-year-old Caribbean man is the only Pashtun nationalist that has been given the state’s approval to be the same, a leaked document from the Ministry of Interior has confirmed.
While the document, available exclusively with The Dependent, doesn’t identify the person by his name, it establishes a few details about him. The document is headlined with the statement, ‘the following individuals have been given the No Objection Certificate by (NOC) the Ministry of the Interior to engage in activities relating to Pashtun nationalism’.
An investigation by The Dependent has revealed that this approval comes from a ‘Special Department’ within the Interior Ministry, which is occupied by a solitary individual who specialises in cyberwarfare and has currently been tasked with making ‘believable Twitter bots that don’t just copy past the same tweets’.
The country’s only approved Pashtun nationalist is 6 feet 4 inches tall. He hails from Saint Lucia.
The document further reveals that he has also been given the Most Excellence Order of the British Empire (OBE). Experts note that this should signal concerns about his working with foreign intelligence agencies, with analysts urging the state to look into the matter.
According to reports, the man has spent the past week in Karachi. Eyewitnesses reveal he was also seen at Mazar-e-Quaid last Sunday.