South Asian environmentalist jingoist worried climate change might destroy enemy before him | Pakistan Today

South Asian environmentalist jingoist worried climate change might destroy enemy before him

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

SOUTH ASIA – A self-avowed environmental activist in South Asia who also harbors jingoistic pride in his country, maintaining that he is willing to kill and die – preferably the former – for his country, on Thursday expressed anxiousness with regards to the possibility that climate chance might destroy his enemy state before he might get a chance to do so himself.

The thought crept inside his head early Thursday afternoon, while going through the news channels and publications, where he realised that despite the war-mongering environment being created by his state’s leaders, it’s the same old bull**it that he has been hearing for years now.

“You know they say these things and do these things every time. We start to believe that they will finally initiate the war that we’ve all been waiting for. And then nothing happens. What if the same thing happens again?” he wondered.

“At this rate the impact of increase in global temperatures disproportionately affecting populations through food insecurity, higher food prices, income losses, lost livelihood opportunities, adverse health impacts, and population displacements might destroy the enemy before we can.”

“Similarly, high carbon growth, uncontrolled emissions and failure to adapt to increased water scarcity, droughts, floods, cyclones and other natural disasters, might instead do our job, which we’ve all been growing up to do.”

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.



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