(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Assistant Sub-inspector Shabbir Butt has strongly denied allegations of his asking for a bribe of a swig of whiskey, a video of which went viral on social media.
“That video is a complete lie,” said Butt. “I would not even touch that crap.”
“Murree Brewery’s beer is passable, at best,” he said, speaking to The Dependent. “All their other stuff is like Fenyl, I don’t care what your local dealer claims.”
“Lion, Vat 1? What do I look like to you? A kid who doesn’t know any better,” he asked passionately. “I don’t even have their supposedly better premium ‘Millenium.’ I wouldn’t touch it in a millenium, that’s what.”
“My body is a temple. This right here,” he said, pinching his love handles out of his shirt. “Is nothing a couple of days a week at Ruston Bhai’s gym can’t solve. Plus no more niharis.”
“I can’t be drinking that swill. It’s imported stuff or bust for me. My buddy Shafiq at Customs at the airport helps me out,” he said. “It wasn’t me is what I’m saying.”