(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
WASHINGTON – In an address designed to unite a growingly divided nation, US President Donald Trump Tuesday told Americans ‘aap ne ghabrana nahi hai’.
During the State of the Union speech, which has been hailed by many – almost entirely Trump loyalists – as incredibly reconciliatory and mature.
Issuing sharp warnings to Democrats, maintaining that “ridiculous partisan investigations” would harm economic progress, Trump said: ‘main inhein rulaunga’.
“Dekhein, main aapko aik baat bataata hoon, yeh aapka saara mulk loot gaye hain. Aik to chori uuper se seena zori,” Trump declared while pointing towards the Democratic House speaker Nancy Pelosi, who stood on the dais behind him.
Trump’s remarks were a reference to the investigation, led by special counsel Robert Mueller, into Russian meddling in the US election, plus Democrats’ promised oversight investigations into the president’s conduct and personal finances.
“Aik aik ko pakar ke main jail mein daaloonga,” the US President added in wide-ranging remarks to a joint chamber of Congress that lasted more than 80 minutes. “Riasat se mat takrana,” he further warned the Democrats.
Further confirming to the nation that the great change that he had promised is here, Trump said:
“Tabdeeli aa nahi rahi, tabdeeli aa gayi hai!” as the relevant anthem soared into the chorus.