(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
JOHANNESBURG – Resoundingly silencing the growing number of critics who had been castigating him following Pakistan’s loss against South Africa, all-rounder Hussain Talat has clarified that he isn’t selfish, just incompetent.
Talat’s comments come in the aftermath of Pakistan’s seven run defeat against South Africa, following which the hosts have an unassailable 2-0 lead in the three match T20I series, which means that Pakistan’s run of 11 successive series wins in the shortest format has come to an end.
“It’s unfair to blame me for the winning streak ending. It is not I who selected myself,” Talat said in an exclusive interview with The Dependent.
The all-rounder said that those who called his batting in both matches, but especially the second, selfish ‘don’t know anything about cricket’.
“I am not selfish, just incompetent,” he said. “If you notice I tried to slog but I just couldn’t connect. So I was trying to score runs but I just could not.
“My batting technique doesn’t resemble anything remotely close to international standard. If you notice a large chunk of the boundaries that I did score was also fortuitous and not at all convincing.”
Meanwhile, speaking to The Dependent star batsman Babar Azam confessed the opposite for himself.
“I am just grateful that no one actually realises that my strike rate [155.17] was actually slightly less than the required strike rate [157.50] during the chase, despite the fact that I played almost half the innings [58 balls]” Azam said.
“That was because I really slowed down as I approached my precious half-century, and even after that – especially during the 11-15 overs – couldn’t accelerate as a well set batsman, who has played half the allotted number of balls, should,” he added.
“But of course such was the beauty of my stroke play – especially the string of boundary hat-tricks – that no one is going to say anything to me. Especially not after nobody else did much with the bat.”
Azam however did agree with Talat.
“He’s definitely incompetent. Of course, only an idiot would think the same of me,” he said, further adding to the silence of the critics.