(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LAHORE– Renowned writer, analyst and media personality Hassan Nisar Thursday unleashed his trademark condescending tirade against the 2014-2018 version of his own self.
The rant comes days after he had actually bestowed laanat upon himself. However, the transcript of the detailed takedown, available exclusively with The Dependent, reveals that the leading academic does not feel that the earlier bestowment had sufficed.
“O besharam,” began Hassan Nisar looking at his 2014-2018 self, straight in the eye. “O khachar, o bhair bakri,” he added increasing the list of animal names that he thought that his previous version deserved to be called out as, much to the incandescence of nationwide animal rights activists.
“O koi khuda ka khauf kar,” continued Nisar in his take down of the academic he felt should be ashamed of even calling him as such. “Maazrat kar ke ghar kyun nahi chala gaya?” he asked the obviously silent version of himself.
The January 17, 2019 01:28 [PST] version of Hassan Nisar maintained that opinion makers such as the one he was currently castigating were responsible for the problems within the country and the dire straits that the media finds itself in.
“O teri…” he proceeded churning out expletives that unfortunately cannot be produced here