(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
HELL – After Christian Bale thanked Satan for inspiration on how to play Dick Cheney in Vice during his Golden Globes acceptance speech, Satan has responded in kind by telling the actor that he is welcome.
“You’re welcome,” Satan said in an exclusive supernatural message for Bale. “I know exactly how I inspired you to play that damned devil. But all I can say is that the pleasure is all mine – it really is,” he added.
Satan also expressed gratitude over someone finally giving him credit where it’s due, after spending thousands of years only being blamed for things that others did.
“You know I get blamed for all sorts of evil. Mostly things nobody would care about let alone make special effort and take time out from a busy evidently multitasking schedule to ruin. But to finally get credit for doing something positive is a uniquely wonderful feeling.”
However, Satan did confess that he was slightly hurt when Bale said Cheney was “absolutely charisma-free and reviled by everybody”.
“I’m really hoping that bit was reserved for Cheney and Cheney alone. Because I tell you, there’s been no fictional character more charismatic than I am,” he maintained.
“Reviled yes, but that’s largely because of propaganda against me.”